This is not so much a review as it is a public service announcement for the good of all humankind. So here goes: For the love of God, whatever you do in this crazy life of yours, do not go see the movie that everybody else and their mother went to see this weekend, Pearl Harbor. I cannot put into words (except that I am) the anger that I felt after suffering through what I can honestly say is the worst movie I have ever seen in the theaters (and that includes the time, branded in my memory, when I was forced by some cruel offspring obligation rule to see Robin William's wretched Bicentennial Man with my parents).
I want to qualify this first by saying that I'm not made of wood here, folks. When the Titanic sunk, I'll admit that despite myself (and despite Celine Dion warbling in the background somewhere), I shed a few silent tears for young, scrappy Leonardo. I'm not completely immune to the Hollywood schlock that gets served up for us on a platter. So chalk this travesty up to the continuing evil deeds of one Jerry Bruckehimer, who co-produced - Pearl Harbor is the worst example of big-budget, mindless, soul-less, manipulative Hollywood drivel I have ever seen.
Now, being that this is a public service announcement, as opposed to a review, I reserve the right not to delve into the "plot" too deeply, except to say that the only thing worth seeing at all are a few explosions. The thin-as-paper love story (you know, set to the backdrop of that pesky Pearl Harbor invasion) - a triangle between the stars Ben Affleck, Josh Hartnett, and Kate Beckinsale - is totally unbelievable.
Everything that came out of Alec Baldwin's mouth sounded like the stuff he gets to say when he's hosting SNL. Jon Voight as Roosevelt was a laugh riot (which I have to assume was unintentional), as the makeup people strapped something on him to resemble a Jay Leno-esque chin, but instead, looked like some unhealthy growth completely separate of his own face. But frankly, maybe I'm starting to nit-pick here. Suffice it to say, there are many low points in this film that I could retread, but I won't. Just take my advice, and skip this one.
Source: Ann Bowles