Give The Babies Their BEER





I encountered a strange incident last Saturday night at the Chipotle restaurant while I was in line for a vegetarian burrito. This woman was ahead of me in line while her husband hunted down an open booth. This cartoon character of a woman repeatedly asked multiple times for something that the kitchen did not have, before running back to make sure that her husband had secured a booth for consumption (the restaurant was completely empty). After the natives got restless and cursed the woman in their native Spanish, the woman carried her food back to her husband and adorable blond haired daughter, who had to be between 3 and 5 years of age.


As I dove into my burrito I could hear this little girl begin her selfish tirade. As her words morphed from a high-pitched scream gurgle thing, this cute and innocent baby shouted at the top of her lungs "But I want a BEER"! At first listen everyone in the restaurant shrugged it off as a harmless demand which would hopefully never be met. "Beer, I want a Beer now", the child continued. "You have a Beer, daddy has a Beer, I want a Beer", the young Veruca Salt in the making continued to yelp, only creating more of a scene and embarrassed feeling for the parents of this diaper draped future alcoholic.

Now it began to get serious. The once delicate request for alcohol on this tiny personís tongue has now turned into a full blown shouting match between an incoherent mother who canít seem to get a hold of her adolescent barley, hops, and malt worshipping daughter. At this point you have to draw the line. You as a decent human being in this day and age have to stand up for what you believe in and take back whatís yours. "Give the kid the goddamm beer already", I shouted with glee as I knew that my conscience had pointed me in the right direction. The entire restaurant turned to me in horror before realizing that I had put the evil words directly into their mouths. A Mexican restaurant full of burrito and taco eating patrons were driven so crazy by a decibel bursting shouting match between a 40 something year old mother and her beer guzzling Shirley Temple daughter, that instead of sitting through the sonic madness we all would rather see this infant drink her liquor and be happy, than to fall victim to anymore absurd yelling.

I feel that I made the right decision that day. I mean I am an adult and I drink alcohol when I scream for it, so why hold back the youth of our country from achieving their dream ñ alcoholism. Letís take this story with us wherever we go and remember itís not the thought that counts, itís the demeanor in which you express that thought.



Source: Jason Anfinsen

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Give The Babies Their BEER