Here's a complete wrap up of the lame, moronic, loose, embarrassing, long, boring, dull, unrehearsed, over hyped, atrocious, pathetic, stale, tired, confusing, horrible, annoying, did we say embarrassing, sickening, joyless, intolerable, dreadful, nauseous, tragic 2001 Video Music Awards.
First of all, fire everyone. Fire the producer, director, talent booker, segment producer, fire them all and shout "you'll never work in this town again", because after last night the channel should pull the plug.
Jaime Foxx...well the opening number was good, and the man appears to be a great singer, but he blew it. He botched the introduction of Gwen, Moby, and Eve and said it was time for Jay-Z just as they threesome came out to present an award. That was one of the times when I made a fist and punched my pillow as if it were the face of the MTV programming department.
Highlights: Triumph the insult comic dog trying to sniff J Lo's ass, Will Farrell recreating the Tim C (Rage bass player) incident from last year by climbing up one of the sets placed on the stage screaming "Where's O Town? What about Mike and the Mechanics, bring them back"!
And then there was the memorable U2 presentation which was interrupted by a strange sound, awkward moment, a double fisted pillow punch by yours truly, as the channel cut to a 5 minute commercial break before coming back to air. Bono was so pissed he apologized for the technical difficulty then later as he accepted the Video Vanguard award said, "I guess MTV didn't pay their electricity bill".
Andy Dick dressing as Daphne Aguilera (who looks exactly like Kathy Griffin when in drag) was such a failure. He actually tried to fight Aguilera which allowed me to finally dropkick my pillow, following that move up with a fireman's carry, and finally putting the helpless pillow into the submission only "Camel Clutch".
Chris Connelly shaking Fred Durst's hand when Limp Bizkit went to accept their award. Is Connelly a 12 year old girl with a crush or a reporter for an influential music channel? Wes Borland's acceptance song was pretty good, when he sang a couple of lines from Iron Maiden.
Kid Rock at the end telling a fan, "that's right you better shut the f*ck up"? Who is he? Please call me as soon as his next record comes out so I can check the sound scan - please.
A message to MTV - do not do any more award shows. Take some time off. Gather up all of the employees, go have an off site meeting somewhere, and think about what you have done. It wasn't pretty and if I was a sponsor, I would be so pissed right now for wasting away my money on last night's tragedy.
Source: Captain Obvious