Men In Black II Sucks Worse Than A Jagged Toothed Whore





Sequels are tough to pull off, just ask the Blues Brothers 2000 producers. For many reasons, I wanted to see Men In Black II. I loved the first one, and had a blast destroying aliens in the virtual reality ride at Universal Studios in Orlando. When I had nothing to do on Friday afternoon, I decided to waste my money on this retarded big budget sequel. I haven't made a stupid ass decision like that since I spat on a cop in high school after he pulled me over and smelled me umpteenth shot of Goldschlager on my breath.

The short-ass 88-minute flick robbed patrons of close to $90 million during the holiday weekend, which to me should be investigated faster than Enron or Worldcom for fraud. I was told by Will ìBig Willie Styleî Smith himself that I would enjoy this film. Sure, parts were funny. Like Frank the talking dog who basically stole the movie, along with a random beat box courtesy of Biz Markie, and the always hilarious David Cross. But the blatant corporate placement that was also in Minority Report, which was directed by Spielberg, who was executive producer of MIB, made the fantasy of aliens existing in our day to day lives so (for a lack of better words) "unreal."

I want to lose myself in the movie and feel as if for one second, that maybe aliens do live here without us knowing about it. I want to think that 500 foot monsters could live in the subway and that a secret alliance of crime fighters always save the day. But, I left the theater pissed off. The plot was terrible, and the only reason that Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, and even Austin Powers do so well, is that they are not a direct extension of the previous film. Granted the characters, and some of the story are the same, but NEVER pick up right where we left off. It's box office poison.

Will Smith was an idiot. His character started off as the bad-ass but once "K" came back into the picture, his sole purpose was to bang out horrible one liners and quips that made Chandler Bing look like Benny Youngman. Smith had absolutely NO chemistry with his ìlove interestî Rosario Dawson. Terrible, just terrible. It was an amazing triumph for the con artists of the movie industry to gank our money, but as far as art and entertainment, these fuckers missed the boat by a mile. By the way, when will Tommy Lee Jones die already?



Source: Jason Anfinsen


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Men In Black II Sucks Worse Than A Jagged Toothed Whore