This 3-hour spectacle was definitely worth seeing, but just a tad bit long: about two hours and fifteen minutes too long. Here's part of what you get in those three ass cramping hours: about one hour of your basic, epic battle scenes (unfortunately it loses its impact after about 15 minutes) and one hour of interspecies romance. This actually could have been good. They kind of made it like it was going to be a menage a trois except all three might as well have been on rohypnol. I know, it damn well almost put me to sleep!
First this guy is fawning all over this way spaced-out elf princess before turning his attention to this sword-wielding groupie type who happens to be this drugged-out old king's daughter. This in and of itself would make a great porno plot except, in this case, nothing ever happens except a couple of hash-fueled dream sequences. In the end, the dude, Aragorn, never scores the babes or whatever the old king was on (although Aragorn was seen hitting a pipe from time to time).
Even more frustrating was the 15 minutes or so of banal soliloquies by various cast members. It was all kindergarten-grade good verses evil stuff done in a tedious olde English/Shakespearean kind of way. If you've read the books, you unfortunately know this dribble is probably necessary for the integrity and continuity of the screen play itself so I'm going to have to let this slide (might be a good time for one of those blue slurpee things and a jumbo dog whenever one of these guys gets rambling).
Still, all-in-all, the sheer hugeness and scale of the film and the panoramic scenes of New Zealand make it worth seeing. I went to this movie with my wife Angie, my keyboard player Darryl James and my drummer Tia Sprocket. Here's our final tally: Tia and Darryl liked this movie better than the first, while Angie and I still liked the former better. That said, I still await anxiously for the third installment of this trilogy. I think Return Of The King was the best book of the three, as more hell breaks loose in that than the other two. However, I'll probably gag on the ready-made Disney/Hollywood feel-good ending that is inevitably in store. The upside is they'll at least get to kick Sauron's ass as opposed to that poseur Saruman. It's like my beloved Chicago Blackhawks knocking off the Detroit Red Wings as opposed to kicking the Columbus Bluejackets' asses They're both wins but oneís just a wee bit more intense than the other.
So, there you have it in a nutshell: two thumbs up from Darryl and Tia and two thumbs up a Hobbitís ass from Angie and Al-Qaeda.
Hope this helps,
Glandoff, leader of the piss army
Over and out.
Source: Al Jourgensen, Ministry, Revolting Cocks