In news that may have shocked me two weddings ago, Drew Barrymore has decided to abide by the golden rule of threes, and marry Fabrizio Moretti of The Strokes. This will be the 27-year-old starís third “I do,” and if Moretti is sober enough to utter the same words, it will be his first marriage to something that he can’t get high from. Barrymore, who has dated almost everyone (male and female) on the Earth, has made terrible marriage decisions in the past. When she was super young, she married some foreign nightclub owner and later divorced him after six months, explaining that it was a ploy to keep him in the country. Barrymore recently lived the worst nightmare of all, when she was Mrs. Tom “One Ball” Green, and we all know how that one ended up. Barrymore is considering a “big, traditional wedding” and Moretti plans on sleeping in until 4 oíclock every afternoon, and thinking of solid ways to avoid arguments like “why was that groupie giving you oral when I walked in here?”
All of the true Drew fans (with tattoos on their arm) need not worry. This debacle, along with The Strokes’ career, will not last.
Source: Jason Anfinsen