I stayed in NYC for a while after playing the Stones dates with Metric this winter and noticed some fine-print mentions of SPIN Magazine being for sale. Then on February 2, The Wall Street Journal online reported that Hartle Media was buying the magazine for "dirt cheap," a measly $250,000. What? You can't buy a crappy condominium for that little! In a flash I decided I would outbid them and buy SPIN before daybreak. The launching of the new magazine would in itself be an elegantly orchestrated dream story for all media outlets, and I imagined myself living the headline: FEMME ROCKER EMILY HAINES BUYS MUSIC MAGAZINE FOR PENNIES, PUTS SELF ON COVER.
Finally, Metric would get some real mainstream coverage! More importantly, we would save SPIN and forgive them for saying that My Chemical Romance was our new favorite band. We would assemble an all-star board of directors to complement the existing staff, a selection of luminaries from related fields to root the magazine in the reality of today's music world while attending to our commercial interests. With their help, the magazine would expand it's circulation outside of America and bring the SPIN brand into Canada, with an emphasis on regional content to complement internationally syndicated stories, giving the magazine the relevance and immediacy it requires to be a success in a fractured marketplace. The magazine's online component would be world-class; we would hire established music bloggers, celebrity print journalists and respected rock photographers with guaranteed audiences of their own. We would integrate the of-the-moment voyeuristic appeal of popular websites like gawker.com and lastnightsparty.com with more lasting interpretive, critical and analytical pieces of old school rock journalism without the white boy indie elitism and drabness of sites like pitchfork.com.
In keeping with the spirit of the original SPIN, we would create a magazine which speaks to music fans in their own words, merging the best of regional weeklies like The Village Voice with the gossip & glitter of the NME, linking the stars of peer-to-peer internet message boards with A-List music writers who we consider direct descendents of Lester Bangs, Dave Hickey and Greil Marcus. To cap it all off, the new SPIN would simultaneously be introduced to the world as a BRAVO reality series - airing right after Top Chef! - chronicling the ups & downs of this generation of overgrown kids (writers, musicians, fashion designers, video directors, photographers, and most of all the music fans who ultimately hold all the power) stepping up to own what is rightfully theirs. Rainbows would fill the sky and Brian from Holy Fuck! would double ride me to work every day on his Unicorn.
No. Last week the sale of the magazine was finalized, and it wasn't sold to me. Everyone is getting fired. I heard that Chuck Klosterman - the very writer who named me the Jackie Onassis of hipster rock at SXSW! - quit. My imaginary moment as a media mogul has passed and the future is anyone's guess. R.I.P. SPIN Magazine, much love.