Reader Submission: An Open Letter To The Great Comic Writers Of Steely Dan

Steely Dan. What a pair of douche bags. Oh, pardon me... GRAMMY WINNING douche bags. Your band is named after a fucking dildo and you refer to yourself as 'heavy artists.' Please. I've heard you played next to Kenny G on a Smooth Jazz station, so spare us the pretentious display of low self esteem. You know who 'digs' Steely Dan, man? Old boring white guys with nice cars. I'd have self esteem issues as well. You make waiting room music. Do you have any idea how many times I have stumbled across a Steely Dan album next to a Herb Alpert release while crate surfing at my local Salvation Army? Shut up. So what, who cares? Someone was inspired by one of your mid tempo soft cheese 'jams' and wrote a movie based around a 'dude' from the tune. It's not like you invented the persona of a couch surfing mooch, MAN. In all likelihood it was probably based on someone you knew.

Did you ask them permission? Did you invite them to 'consult' you on the lyrics? Did you pay them a royalty, JACK? Was he "left out in the cold' with no ASCAP like you guys were on this film? Man... I sure hope your BMW's aren't going to be repossessed because you aren't getting a cut of You Me And Dupree! Now, on to this business of an Owen Wilson apology to your 'fans.' Making Owen Wilson attend one of your shows should be punishment enough, but oh no, you want him to APOLOGIZE to your FANS?

Funny, wasn't it Steely Dan who wrote the open letter to Luke Wilson? Hey, your fans are too busy preparing their AARP membership forms to be worrying about an Owen Wilson movie. Now, I'm sure Luke is SERIOUSLY considering this offer, if for nothing more than the chance of a lifetime... partying with Steely Dan ON THE BUS and getting some free STEELY DAN T-SHIRTS! WOW! Man, don't make that deal TOO sweet, you'll never get rid of the guy. I'd imagine partying with Steely Dan on the bus would be like hanging out at a Dayton, Ohio, strip club at 6:30 on a Tuesday night, without the strippers.

In conclusion, let's not forget this... the world needs schlock, fellas. Read the papers. Nobody's going to cosmically pay (man) for making some stupid LCD fluff. It's a fine way to tune out for a couple hours.

Truthfully, I'd rather sit through You Me And Dupree than Gaucho any day. Of course I'd need to be biblically high to make either activity even remotely entertaining.

Just another vapid self absorbed Gen Xer with a stunted intellect,

R. Scope
Washington, DC

p.s. You don't even mention Owen's brilliant turn in Meet The Parents? WTF?


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Reader Submission: An Open Letter To The Great Comic Writers Of Steely Dan