Summer Jam has built its entire rep on ridiculous moments, i.e. G-Unit starting a riot with chair-throwing in a downpour and Mobb Deep and Jay-Z getting into beef zone when Jay projected a flick of Prodigy extra dick-riding Michael Jackson's outfit, glove and all. But the Summer Jam stage has never seen anything as subversive, uncomfortable and totally bizarre as Lil Wayne's 20 minute set, apparently blasted on his own summer Js and a total amazing/scary rock star set, as in "DEAR GIANTS STADIUM, FOLLOW ME INTO MY K-HOLE, XOXO WEEZY."
It started with "I'm Me," and traversed into a five-minute blues freestyle on electric guitar, which was customized with some sort of psychedelic overlay on the body. Here is an imitation of Weezy's guitar playing skills: ting, ting, ting, tonnnnnng. It was like if Daniel Johnston or Beat Happening or one of those other early '90s PNW guitar bands were allowed to play in front of 50,000 rap fans who were basically there in the first place to see if Jadakiss showed up with D-Block. After Wayne's solo, he thanked "my band, Gym Class Heroes"--who were scheduled to be, but were not, there. It was eerily silent, and unsettlingly like seeing, say, one of Jim Morrison's last shows: this dude is a genius for being able to perform so well so lifted, and if you (and he) are lucky, you will hopefully never see him be this crazy and or fucked up again. Then he did a BANANERS ten-minute a capella of "Pussy Monster," which ended with him lying on the floor and humping the air. Pretty Ricky watch ya crotch! When he did "Fireman," these crappy ridiculous flame F/X came up on the huge projection screen. When he did "Lollipop," Kanyeezy came out for the remix wearing a trucker hat with the American flag on it. Then some dude (a bodyguard?) put a robe on Lil Wayne as he played "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston (see above). Other highlights: D BLOCK! Wayne doing "Dey Know" remix with Shawty Lo on the cosign (who performed the original earlier with Teddy Penderazdoun). Alicia Keys interrupting her set to bring out Maino for "Hi Hater"? And they aren't even on the same label! And then rounding it out with her dudes Raekwon, Method Man and Ghostface, who was rapping with his arm around her while she looked sort of startled that he was so deep into having his arm around her. Get yours, Iron Man. Rick Ross playing "The Boss" shirtless with T-Pain, during which we truly contemplated how awesome it is dude has a chain with his own likeness, a diamond-mini me. Nick pointed out he has a whole area on his belly that stays un-tattooed, presumably so when he gets an idea for new ink, he has somewhere to put it. Rihanna didn't show up (TACK-AY), so they obviously got Jim Jones and Juelz Santana to take her spot, and Juelz did "Santana's Town" with his swag splash wrapped around his face like a mummy. He put the mic inside the scarf but at one point we swore he was rapping with it in his mouth because we could see his lips moving and his tongue through the Vuitton logo.
P.S. 8 billion = number of people on earth. 8 billion = number of times we could watch Public Enemy perform the classics and not get sick of them. Does anyone want to come over later and watch Do the Right Thing with us? Next time can they have Rosie Perez come do the "Don't Believe The Hype" dance? More Hot 97 Summer Jam Footage here.