The Hollywood Reporter just announced a new Jerry Garcia biopic to be produced by some of the guys behind Election, Little Miss Sunshine and Hamlet 2. So, while we have recently treated Jerry with a fair amount of reverence, this version of his life during the years just before founding the Grateful Dead will apparently be a black comedy with plenty of slapstick and a dash of family drama. In light of that, we have compiled our top suggestions for the role of Papa Jerry…
This may be an obvious choice seeing as how Rogen is already the thespian laureate of dudes who eat bong smoke for breakfast, but we also see it as his first realistic chance to make the coveted transition from goofball Apatow improviser to full-fledged dramatic actor.
Plus: Hair, vulnerable eyes, husky
Minus: Possible he cannot really act
Acceptable substitute: Jack Black
My Morning Jacket’s frontman was actually the first to pop into our minds. Despite the physical similarities and obvious ability to credibly play music without overdubs, his inclusion would literally drive hundreds of thousands of passed out Wookies to the theaters.
Plus: Could awesomely interpret early Jerry jams, unique demographic appeal, talked to us a few times
Minus: Last album was kind of tough
Acceptable substitute: Jim Jones
Mad Men might get canceled soon, so we feel a responsibility to find all its actors jobs. Sommer, who plays Harry Crane, head of television for Sterling Cooper, is our pick since everyone else is either old, a woman or not very likable.
Plus: seems nice, sang in the Concordia College choir, rosy cheeks
Acceptable substitute: pretty much anyone
Large Matt Damon
We never would’ve nominated this hunk a few years ago, but recent photos of him on the set of The Informant have us convinced he is one of those rare actors who is willing to sacrifice his own health to accurately portray a character.
Plus: big time actor
Minus: too sexy, would probably become addicted to heroin
Acceptable substitute: Philip Seymour Hoffman
Emanuel will probably be too busy next year banging heads for President Obama, but we are all for this pick if he is. First, his mom owned a rock n roll club in Chicago in the 60s. Second, his brother Ari Emanuel represents Matt Damon just in case Rahm pulls out at the last minute. And third, he and Jerry both lost their right ring finger in childhood accidents. What else do you need?
Plus: total badass, connections, nine fingers, if you Google search “rahm emanuel music,” the first result is a Grateful Dead forum
Minus: will have hard time not saying “fuck” constantly
Acceptable substitute: David Axelrod