Last night, a post on the Drag City message board appeared entitled “Silver Jews End-Lead Singer Bids his Well-Wishers Adieu.” The post — purportedly to be the writing of Silver Jews main man David Berman — went on to explain that they have canceled their South American tour and that the band’s January 31 performance at McMinnville, Tennessee’s Cumberland Caverns will be their last. But in an extra twist of excitment, the same poster then went on to reveal his gravest secret: He is the son of right-wing puppet master Richard Berman.
Citing that this secret for him is “worse than suicide, worse than crack addiction,” the second post regarding his reported father is filled with emotion and Bermans trademark wit, making it hard to tell if the father statements are true. While it would be in our best interest to report this to you from a journalistic point of view, none of this has yet to be confirmed by the label or Berman himself. So instead of trying to summarize or make the obvious Star Wars “you are not my father” references, we will leave you with the exact words of said poster:
Hello, my friend.
Cassie and I went to the cave and it looks great. 58 degrees but the humidity makes it feel like 72.
I’m just going to play fifteen songs. My fifteen favorite ones.
A dollar per song. Plus Arnett Hollow. I don’t
want to keep you underground for too long. Fall Creek Falls State Park State Lodge is great by the way.
Yes I cancelled [sic] the South American shows. I’ll have to see the ABC Countries another way.
I guess I am moving over to another category. Screenwriting or Muckraking.
I’ve got to move on. Can’t be like all the careerists doncha [sic] know.
I’m forty two and I know what to do.
I’m a writer, see?
Cassie is taking it the hardest. She’s a fan and a player but she sees how happy i am with the decision.
I always said we would stop before we got bad. If I continue to record I might accidentally write the answer song to “Shiny Happy People”.
What, you thought I was going to hang on to the bitter end like Marybeth Hamilton?
And about his “father”:
Now that the Joos are over I can tell you my gravest secret. Worse than suicide, worse than crack addiction:
You might be surprised to know he is famous, for terrible reasons.
My father is a despicable man. My father is a sort of human molestor.
An exploiter. A scoundrel. A world historical motherfucking son of a bitch. (sorry grandma)
You can read about him here.
My life is so wierd [sic]. It’s allegorical to the nth. My father went to college at Transylvania University.
You see what I’m saying.
A couple of years ago I demanded he stop his work. Close down his company or I would sever our relationship.
He refused. He has just gotten worse. More evil. More powerful. We’ve been “estranged” for over three years.
Even as a child I disliked him. We were opposites. I wanted to read. He wanted to play games.
He is a union buster.
When I got out of college I joined the Teamsters (the guards were union organized at the Whitney).
I went off to hide in art and academia.
I fled through this art portal for twenty years. In the mean time my Dad started a very very bad
company called Berman and Company.
He props up fast food/soda/factory farming/childhood obesity and diabetes/drunk driving/secondhand smoke.
He attacks animal lovers, ecologists, civil action attorneys, scientists, dieticians, doctors, teachers.
His clients include everyone from the makers of Agent Orange to the Tanning Salon Owners of America.
He helped ensure the minimum wage did not move a penny from 1997-2007!
The worst part for me as a writer is what he does with the english language.
Though vicious he is a doltish thinker
and his spurious editorials rely on doublethink and always with the Lashon Hara.
As I studied Judaism over the years, the shame and the shanda,
grew almost too much. my heart was constantly on fire for justice. I could find no relief.
This winter I decided that the SJs were too small of a force to ever come close to
undoing a millionth of all the harm he has caused. To you and everyone you know.
Literally, if you eat food or have a job, he is reaching you.
I’ve always hid this terrible shame from you, the fan. The SJs have always stood autonomous and clear.
Hopefully it won’t contaminate your feelings about the work.
My life has been riddled with Ibsenism. In a way I am the son of a demon come to make good the damage.
Previously I thought, through songs and poems and drawings I could find and build a refuge away from his world.
But there is the matter of Justice.
And i’ll tell you it’s not just a metaphor. The desire for it actually burns.
There needs to be something more. I’ll see what that might be.
if you want to know what evil Herr Attackdog is currently up to look here.