Down in flippant London nobody cares about bassline anymore, and neither, to be completely honest, do I really. But now and then I like to casually glance up to northern England to see what’s going on. And right now the main song worth your attention is “Etap Riddim” by Trilla. Before I say anything about it, I suggest feminists look away now. You see, Etap is a European chain of really, really cheap hotels (£17.50 a night) and “Etap Riddim” is an explicit ode to bringing a girl back to one of the rooms and, as all you Americans say constantly, “pounding the poontang”. If Andrea Dworkin heard it she would turn in her grave. If she were actually dead. Oh hang on, she is dead. Then she’ll be doing backflips right now. I like the line where Trilla compares the beautiful act of lovemaking to stabbing someone: “In and out like a knife”. What a delightful mental image. The video above, by the way, is a tribute made by three fans who seem very keen on getting “stabbed” by Mr Trilla.
T-Pain, you have a lot to answer for. You have effectively killed grime. You are almost single-handedly to blame. You should be ashamed of yourself. Yes, above you’ll see the new T-Pain-inspired single by Ruff Sqwad, or as I’m now calling them, Smoove Sqwad. I think I’ve said this before, but honestly, when Rapid croons with a vocal effect on his voice, all I can hear is Lou from Little Britain. Also, what’s a “Coca-Cola figure”? Overweight with rotting teeth?
Apart from auto-crooning, the other excruciating fad urban Brits are obsessed with is shit dance moves to funky house songs – the best (or should that be worst?) of which I ran through with you last time. This one is the “Tribal Skank” and although the video is terrible it does look like more than 50p has been spent on it, which makes a nice change.
Finally, grime legend DJ Slimzee teamed up with DJ Spyro on Rinse FM for a one-off special recently. The result was over an hour and 30 minutes of mostly classic old grime – which sounds so much better than current grime that listening to it will leave you feeling incredibly depressed. Enjoy.
Download: Slimzee and Spyro on Rinse FM