Chris Breezy Is Freezy

Ha! And most of you all were thinking Akon’s “Lock’d Up” when those felony charges were mentioned last February about Chris Brown Ike Turnin’ Rihanna, right? Well, fast-forward to a non-confirmed released date for Rebirth, Brown losing out on Wrigley's Gum commercial money and Michael Jackson’s passing…well, you pretty much end up here…with Chris Breezy ATL skatin’ home free with five years' probation from his domestic dispute case.

Not taking sides at all, but let’s break down some of the facts from the ruling on Tuesday (August 25). Out of all the publicity he received, the singer snags five years probation, 180 days community labor, must stay at least 50 yards away from RiRi until 2014 (anybody detect cyber sex?), and cannot carry any dangerous weapon…including a Child’s Play knife or Rambo-type gun. Who might have laid the smackdown on this ruling? None other than Los Angeles Judge Patricia Schnegg who shared some final words with Breezy:

"You are going to be placed on formal felony probation for a period of sixty months," Schnegg told Brown. "I'm going to keep probation to be supervised by state of California with Mr. Brown performing his domestic violence counseling and community labor in the state of Virginia." (via E! Online)

Ouch…suppose it could have been worse….Brown may have gone to celebrity prison (since he is an adult) where he could have met someone named RiRi minus the looks of a female, though…well, here’s some more fun facts you guys may want to know about Brown’s ruling courtesy of good ol’ TMZ:

“He must provide DNA samples as requested by authorities. Brown must also keep in touch with the Probation Department and is subject to search and seizure 24/7 for the next 5 years. He can't own any dangerous weapon, including guns or knives. Brown must pay $2,500 in restitution and another $2,500 in probation expenses. He must also pay a $30 criminal conviction fee --BARGAIN! He must also pay $400 that goes into a domestic violence fund. Brown must get prior approval before leaving the country.”

You’re one of the biggest selling male singers in the game today? Gone. You have one of the hottest relationships with one of the biggest selling female singers in the game today? Gone (thanks to cough cough…Drake…..cough cough….). You were frustratingly featured on cuts after cuts of mainstream artists’ records? Gone (well, Yung Joc still 143’s you). We could mention a grip of more “L’s” Breezy caught, but that’d be too much…all in all, time will tell…but for now, Breezy is on watch. Sounds like a Ustream broadcast should be starting in 5…4….3….2….. –Cyrus Kyle Langhorne

Chris Breezy Is Freezy