The holidays are a time for family and no less importantly, tight ass thermals. Enjoying one or both of these can be difficult without a special lady to spend them with. The solution, however, is not to steal your homie/cousin/brother's date to the holiday karaoke party. It's to drink yourself into a stupor off grandpa's rum-nog and order an escort to the privacy of your own apartment. At least then you won't ruin Christmas for everyone. As a matter of fact, you'll probably have helped a single mother recoup from the pressures of giving her own children a merry Christmas. And in that, you can be proud of yourself. And have saved yourself from getting punched in the face.