It’s a typical situation. Some clown who burned you walks into the party like he’s walking onto a yacht, his hat strategically dipped below one eye and his scarf the color of an apricot. He has one eye in the mirror as he watches himself gavotte, and you wonder to yourself what does gavotte mean? But you’re not famous and nobody cares about your tortured love life and we already heard it from the original broken woman, Ms. Carly Simon, and wondered if her story was even fractionally true. And if it is, who travels to Saratoga and Nova Scotia in a private jet just to see an eclipse in mid-air? Who’s been hanging with the wife of a close friend and “some underworld spy?”
Let’s be honest, homegirl dated a lot of dudes back then, including but not limited to Cat Stevens, James Taylor, Warren Beatty, Mick Jagger, and Kris Kristofferson. And we had always hoped it was Beatty, because he was the hottest and never lost his looks like the others did. Well, it turns out that if you go all Black Sabbath on that shit and play it backwards, a ghostly whisper can be heard saying the word, “David.” Turns out that Mr. Vain was no rockstar at all, but the overlord of all rockstars at Simon’s record label—David Geffen. Now that you know, ladies, do try to steer clear of this guy! And if Carly can’t convince you, just listen to Joni Mitchell’s “Free Man in Paris,” also directed at Geffen! Advice abounds!