Cyriously: I Would Buy Anything Ray J-Branded

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Each week Cyrus Kyle Langhorne weighs-in on hot button topics with his sharp commentary. This week’s subject: Ray J.

Honestly, I have no idea when all this controversy, as some may call it, developed with Ray J and his mom and erryone else in his family lineup. But then name-dropping Kim Kardashian more times than Game did to 50 Cent in “300 Bars (and Running),” someone needs to stop the madness. Now while I do realize this is going to be paraphrased, at best, please feel free to do some extra credit and watch the YouTube footage yourself. It was sometime last month when Ray J’s mom got on The Wendy Williams show and addressed his infamous (and my bookmarked) Kim Kardashian x Ray J sex tape which spread like the swine flu scare in early 2007. Sure, she had to play the defensive mother while still showing love for her son saying something along the lines of:

“They were dating for five years, they were in love but I always said, ‘What you don’t want people to see, you don’t do,’ regardless of how much you love someone. But [the sex tape] somehow surfaced. But my point is, with all the hoopla with it being Ray J and people trying to blame him, did you see him on the cover of Playgirl? Did you see him in the centerfold of Playgirl?”

NO! We did not, and while I completely understand home girl’s approach, I think the real question we should ask her back is, (in Cam’ron’s voice), “You mad?” Look, I am going to lose a couple —> a lot of street and manhood credibility with this, but funk with me: Ray J SHOULD have been featured in Playgirl. He SHOULD have been doing Ron Jeremy spoofs on Saturday Night Live. He SHOULD have been trying to star on his autographed centerfold calendars. Now, I could take a different approach right here and point out how home girl was subliminally dissing Kim Kardashian Jay-Z style, but I want to take a completely unique method to this posting.

Why Ray J? Why? Why not have gone through all of these means to milk the cow? Okay, so he did not take a measly crumb from a possibly, speculated, “career-ending” move going to Playgirl, but he did manage to snag a few hot collaborations with the “Sexy Can I” track and a few others I have tried to tune out of my memory from non-stop Hot 97 (New York) airplay back in ’07. Regardless, after the sex tape “did” come out, not only did his MySpace friend count likely go up, but this guy’s overall buzz was nearly steaming. Long story short, the little man was packing heavy heat. Pause.

So I look at this topic as such: Ray J, much like Rihanna and Cassie but not nearly as PG-13, had so many opportunities to cash in and go all-out. I remember radio personality Angie Martinez asking him something about considering doing his own condom line or endorsing them and surely enough, he did! BRAVO. But why stay so PC? You are already exposed Ray, why not take things to the next level? Shucks, I still remember back in ’07 when Tila Tequila was the “hot” girl and luckily snatched a Hustler magazine cover. Surely enough, once I got home and turned to her feature, nerp, no nipple, crotch shots, just “implied” nudity… ugh.

Ray Ray? Why not go for the gold? Why be a follower in this R&B ‘ish when you can shock the world by turning out your own condom line and showing them in action on a montly, maybe bi-monthly series of RayJsWorld(.com) exclusives where you get the hottest D-Listed celebrity out and have her show the world there is more talent than what is presented in front of a television lens. Look, I know, I could be exaggerating but the bottom line is innovation. We already have seen how popular sex tapes have become and in 2010, if you have yet to see any female celebrity at least in a nipple-exposing bikini, then your parents must still have the Child Protection Lock on your desktop/laptop.

Moment of truth? In addition to being shocked by Ray J’s “God-given gift,” I actually vowed to out-last him with any girlfriends I had from 2007 through mid-2008… (laugh). I knew it almost by timing, and thinking, “Man, if Ray J could have Kim worn out (although a large portion seemed faked), then I should be going for all 12 rounds, with a TKO at the end…” So if you imagine myself being inspired by Ray J in such a sense, just imagine what it says to erryone else who has viewed the footage.

I stress the importance and the value of sex quite often and really believe one day in the near-future we shall all see this so-called “X-Rated” feature of life cross into Hollywood and not just down dirty, abandoned alleys, but into the big executive offices and Ray J “had” the chance to capitalize. Sorry MC, but I would rather see Mariah Carey in “Clitter” than the acting from Glitter. Sorry, sorry, but it is so true, true. At the end of the day, I should be proud of Ray J going the condom route but then again, when we all watch the footage, homie was not even rocking protection when he was pounding KK, so you’re not only avoiding a potentially profiting move with Playgirl to endorse something we all know you do not use for youself?

Pweeasee. Who are you kidding, Ray Ray? Maybe I am going a bit over the top with this post, but I see it all the time. Eve could have done her own Fetish line of women vibrators; Cassie could have launched her own line of Bad Boy rubber vaginas and, well, I hope you guys all get the point. As far as Ray J’s mom is concerned, she played the safe route and had to take on the defensive side of things, but at the end of the day, your son took a cop out and could have taken his brand, R&B and the “I’m Brandy’s brother, Ray” alias to a whole ‘nother level.

What if…

POSTED May 3, 2010 3:45PM IN SUITE903 TAGS: , , ,

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