Each week Cyrus Kyle Langhorne weighs-in on hot button topics with his sharp commentary. This week’s subject: Mariah Carey.
Wow, not trying to really big myself up, but it was just a few weeks ago when I turned up the heat by speaking on the negative effects being an R&B singer and having a baby could have on a career, and then? Alicia Keys got her thing-thing beat up and turned out with soon-to-be-husband Swizz Beatz (translation: they're expecting their first child together), then a few Beyoncé rumors go left and right, but all in all, the biggest joke/rumor going on has to be Lil' Nicky (aka Nick Cannon) and his mom-like wife, Mariah Carey expecting a child together.
While I will not use a grip of energy to speak on their 2008 marriage, I will bring up one key fact, they are LATE on errything and have become the definition of swagger-jacking when it comes to marriage news. For example, the big wave came through around say January-February 2008 about Jay-Z and Beyoncé's "secret" wedding. A month or two later, Nick Cannon gets hitched by Mariah Carey and they're trying to sell wedding photos off ("C'Mon Son" (c) Ed Lover). I mean, come on, the fact home girl went out and had a mid-life crisis as she approached the ripe
OLD age of 40 and scooped up the best hush-hush, "Yes Ma'am" kid on the block, Nick Cannon, is just too much to even take seriously.
Does everyone remember the ridiculous back tattoo Cannon got with Mariah's name spread out? Imagine his back as a Word document and then typing in "M-A-R-I-A-H" in size 72 font. Chea, it was on some next level foolery-type stuff. Anyway, let's go ahead and fast forward to the point where Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz begin taking over all the gossip and news publications (we see you, Associated Press) after the news of their baby and engagement took over the 'net. I believe this was maybe a week or two ago. Surely enough, Cannon and Mariah hop on this opportunity and decide to swagger jack it. Let me just pull a quick quote from Billboard:
Carey, who has dodged pregnancy rumors since she and Cannon married in 2008, fueled another round of speculation this month when she pulled out of her role in Tyler Perry's next film, Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf. On Wednesday, Radar Online quoted an unnamed source who confirmed that Carey is pregnant. "They're both very excited and very happy," said the source. "Mariah and Nick want to keep the pregnancy quiet as long as they can."
(laugh) And of course, having to downplay the situation and act like nothing was really popping off, Cannon decides to hit up Twitter on the defense:
(laugh) Wow, word 'em up, Nicky? Truth be told, I see these two as a couple of has-beens, sorry Mariah, but it is true. The fact they "found love" with one another is not only a joke, something which is more believable than thinking Ru Paul might really have been a woman all these years and lied about being a man....eehhh...aight? As funny and unrealistic, still to this day, their marriage has been, it has also been the topic of constant "Nick Cannon-Mariah Carey divorce?" Google search engine roundups and going with the fact, or belief, of their marriage actually being "legit," then we have to be quite serious and bring up the issue of a baby.
I cannot stress it more. Sure, this idea is probably floating around Mariah's head as she waits for the first musician, not movie star, to adopt a child from Africa before she actually feels it is a good move. All in all, can you imagine how confused any child would be if birthed from between Mariah's legs and from Cannon's sperm? WOW, I mean, seriously, we're easily talking about three generations all under one roof and while adoption does not necessarily rule out the uncomfortable setting, it at least allows the kid to find out (s)he does not have the same wacked out genes as his parents, seriously.
Look, I am all about creating new life but just as scary as it would be to see the genes of a Jay-Z x Beyoncé baby coming together, I would be scared of the finished product which would come from these two knuckle heads. Not only does Nick Cannon and his "wife" get clowned on the regular by rappers amongst the likes of Eminem and 50 Cent, but taking a stroll down memory lane of all the past credits the kid's parents have had attached to their name would be excuse enough to even lie about being adopted while attending a private school in their adolescence. Mariah Carey with the "crazy" rumors back around 2000-2003, Nick Cannon with the awkward Nickelodeon street credibility? Eehhhh...nah man...
Who knows, maybe I am wrong and Carey is a solid six months pregnant and they are just waiting for an opportunity to let the cat out of the bag, but from what I have observed over these past few years, there has not been a more made-up, silly marriage in the R&B music game since those Jennifer Lopez x Chris Judd days. (laugh) All in all, I wish these two the best and at the very least a speedy divorce so they both can begin looking into their respective age groups and seeing what it is they truly need in their lives—psychiatry.