Cyriously: A Pink Friday In November...And All Through The House



Each week Cyrus Kyle Langhorne weighs-in on hot button topics with his sharp commentary. This week’s subject: Nicki Minaj.

(laugh) So here we are: it is boiling hot no matter where you are (shout-outs to Antarctica because I know global warming is making it like Malibu out there) and we can practically scrap up all those "Summer Music Releases" stories/write-ups. It is officially a wrizzy and to the technical folks who count September 21st as the first day of fall, well, shucks, Kanye West's new LP does not drop 'til November, so chillax. Why look at the passing of the seasons so soon, right? Well, although some would prefer to classify Young Money rapper Nicki Minaj as, um a "rapper," I beg to use her as my focal point in this post. Personally, I do not believe you can mesh a woman who likes breasts and uses Barbie as her steez and toss her into a rap-only category.

Pink Friday, November 23rd, 2010.

WOW! If you are unfamiliar with the above date, let me toss something else out just to funk with your head a little bit. (laugh) Confused yet? Well, do not blame yourself, Minaj actually decided to name her long-awaited debut album Pink Friday and is planning to drop it come Tuesday, November 23rd. (laugh) Wow. At first, I went with this idea of Minaj being a really talented artist who is too busy to put out an album. She seemed more focused on getting her buzz up, I was wrong. In just the past year or so since she began making noise, the rap/singing star has managed to scoop up a BET award and pop up in a few music videos along with gracing the cover of The FADER (after Drake, however). Yerp, those are the "highlights." Now the "bad" stuff? She has managed to funk up her look with the most messy of messes when it comes to music—Sean Garrett.

Need I say more? Sure, he can pen a hot record for someone like "B"(eyoncé) but as far as trying to toss out a pop record in the form of "Massive Attack" for Minaj a few months ago and then follow it up with a sloppy music video out in the desert which was only saved by a couple of rump shakes at the end and a half-ZZzzzz cameo by Amber Rose? "No, No, No" like the song goes...

Sure, I could have brought these issues up a few months ago when everybody else was dissing her, but I feel now is extremely appropriate because now she has an opportunity to save face and go for gold (pun intended) come this November. Now do I think it is going to work, at this stage? NO WAY, José! Seriously. Minaj has so many faults to her name, I am not sure if she will be able to wiggle her way out of trouble in just 100 or so days. Here lies the problems:

LIL WAYNE'S ABSENCE

Sure, Minaj can hold her own ground when it comes to collaborations, but for a debut? Shucks, even Drake was smart enough to snatch Lil Wayne for "Miss Me" before he got put into his "25th Hour" and hit those hot showers courtesy of Rikers Island (*cough* protective custody). At best, Wayne does get released by November 4th as speculated and even at this point, I strongly doubt there is any likelihood a quality record could be put together in time to leak onto the internet and have the world going nuts by November 23rd. I cannot comprehend it.

Shucks, I could always be wrong and go with the idea of Wayne having already recorded for Minaj's debut. But even the idea itself seems like a stretch. No Weezy? PUSH THE ALBUM BACK, Minaj. If there is any logic left in her plastic head, Minaj will likely provide a courtesy of delaying the album and saying, "More unfinished tracks needed for mastering..." via Twitter. No way you put out a debut without Weezy F. Baby. Oh, and just how important is the young kid? Well, Drake's "Miss Me" is officially in rotation across the nation, just saying.

PINK FRIDAY, PINK PANTHER, PINK TAMPONS

Sorry, but this idea of "pink" is simply wack. Sure, Jay-Z made a run with The Black Album and actually tried to drop the record on Black Friday, which, of course, was a Friday in November. Now with the selling power Minaj possesses, why not take the hit of a short week for artistic expression? You call it Pink Friday and then put the album three days before Friday? (laugh) "C'mon Son." Even Ice Cube's Friday, Next Friday and funk it, even Friday After Next movies dropped on Fridays. As my pops would say back in the day, "What'chu is, papi? Stupppid?" (Add a little Rosie Perez in there too) The smoothest move she could have done is The Pink Album but maybe with Game's R.E.D. Album in the works (and will likely NEVER come out), she felt the pressure and fell back. Either way, the promotion kills it. Ughhh...

SINGLE POWER

You want to know why Minaj cannot reach her potential? I will keep this very short and simple: her biggest record of her entire career (which is not very long, truth be told) is this "Your Love," right? Shucks, she has a music video for it, Billboard award(s), etc, etc. But you want to know what makes this REALLY funny? The track is an "old" record she did and completely just scooted it to the side so we could get prepared for "Massive Attack." SMH. Word, Minaj? Word? Her inability to choose a strong single, organically, makes me question her skill of knowing how to make a hot record when called to pinch hit for Young Money. The Barbie brand depends on her.

SEX APPEAL VS. SEX

I am sorry because no matter how I put this, I am going to come across as a pervert, but there has simply been NOT ENOUGH a** and t*tty shots of Minaj. Come on, Minaj, after being out on the market for the past two, three years, we have not even been treated to an upskirt shot or even a nipple slip. WTF? For someone who has stressed, at least in the past, the power of sex and her dreams of getting two sticks in her buns (come on, we ALREADY know she was not talking hair). The male and LARGE portion of female population are suffering from the biggest case of blue balls this world has ever seen (sorry women, but LES-BI-HONEST, now). When can we get treated with some Cassie leaked shots or at least a sex tape, Minaj, it is "freakin'" 2010.

PRESSURE

At the end of the day, you can ignore every last comment I made prior and focus narrow things down to this: pressure. (laugh) No, we are not referring to Dr. Dre and Jay-Z's "Under Pressure," but rather the pressure of being the latest female artist since a Trina or Diamond to put out an album with greater expectations than ever. Believe it or not, folks, but Minaj is actually going to have more pressure to perform orgasmically well on this project than Drake with his Thank Me Later debut...seriously.

People are already putting her at a disadvantage of being a female artist, and while some will doubt it, bear in mind this: women out-buy fellas when it comes to purchasing music, most of the time. So with women already jealous of her image and probably upset from catching their boyfriends with Minaj as their No. 1 person they're following on Twitter. I have  a hard time believing Pink Friday will come anywhere close to selling 300,000 to 400,000 in her first week.

Now do I think she should? And am I rooting for her? Of course! We all funk with Minaj, but when you take in all of these variables, well, you decide her fate.

Cyriously: A Pink Friday In November...And All Through The House