Each week Cyrus Kyle Langhorne weighs in on hot button topics with his sharp commentary. This week’s subjects: Cassie and Chris Brown.
Crude? Rude? All of the above? Why not, right? I have begun realizing one of the focal problems with most people who tend to blog… well, in particular, those who tend to get a little shine and are given the credit/title of “expert” on a particular topic. For hip-hop, you might see a site like Complex(.com) hit up a “Miss Info” for her reaction/analysis of a new Kanye West song. For something wild like Tila Tequila streaking her alien-like body through the streets of New York, we might see a “Perez Hilton” being featured on E! one evening, right?
Well, the issue I have begun to develop is extremism. Either you have a blogger who has grown into a personality and is pressured/obligated (or so they think) to habitually carry out these routines, even if Perez likely wanted to take a stand against a popular topic, he might feel pressured to ride the wave and fuel the fire, right? All of this brings me to the topic at hand:
Cassie Ventura and Chris Brown should make an XXX tape.
*Blank Stares, anyone?*
(laugh) As blunt as I sound, I am being completely, 100 percent truthful about the matter. Pardon my examples of bloggers up above as I merely felt the need to use them as scapegoats and reasons to continually check for me here in which you can always expect the most unfiltered, honest, Cyrus-based opinions on the ‘net. Now about these two characters. Oh where do we even begin?
Cassie Ventura. Yes, you love to hear the story, again and again, but how many times can we do the math and still wonder about the absence of accomplishments to her name? Sure, she may still be in her early-to-mid 20s by now. But after dropping a Bad Boy Records debut in 2006 and only making fame off of a short-lived relationship with Ryan Leslie and rumored sex-fest with Diddy, what does she have going for herself?
Although this run-down sounds more like scolding than analzying, I must “keep it real” and point out a few key issues. The hottest thing attached to Cassie is her va-jay-jay. Sorry, but true. And while if this was pre-2009, I would likely be looked down upon. Most people (ladies included), have all either heard, viewed and/or right-clicked their mouses and saved the spread open-leg shot of Cassie to their desktops before then saving it to a portable flash drive, by this point, right? As much as I remember her hit song, “Me & You,” I cannot help but remind my own self it is the BEAT which made it a hit, not her vocals. (laugh)
Even though Cassie’s body is not likely something you would find on Brazzers(.com) or even an OnionBooty(.com), she could still go off of her “fame” and place moving visuals to what the country has already seen. Worst case scenario? Diddy drops her. And at the rate Cassie is going now, a release from Bad Boy could be the best thing ever, word to The Lox.
Now, placing Cassie on hold for a minute, let us jump right on to the next subject—Chris Brown. Sure, I could have said a Montell Jordan or maybe even Ginuwine—artists who seem to have fallen completely off the R&B radar, right? Well, Brown is a unique person, seriously. Even though his album sales edged out past 100,000 copies and he is getting his life back together since the intensely-covered Rihanna 2009 incident, Chris Brown is gone. Sorry, but true. Look, to all the “CB” supporters, let me share with you a brief story. Back in 1998, when R. Kelly dropped R. I still remember having the LP thanks to mom dukes and talking with one of my middle school classmates about the record. Despite his “Did You Ever Think That You Would Be This Rich” record with Nas circulating, my big homie revealed to me his mother would not even let him come close to anything remotely related to Kells. And this is BEFORE the whole urine Super Soaker incident took place, but the reason why? His “sex rhymes” were too intense, therefore in 2010, if you thought mothers across the nation hated Brown for what he did to Rihanna, just imagine fathers being even “more” overly protective of their daughters.
Man oh man, “new album on the way” or not, Brown’s career is likely to come back stronger than Bobby Brown and I am not talking 2002 with Ja Rule (“Thug Lovin’”) (laugh). America is not ready to accept Brown, and may never will be. When you beat up a woman and there are visuals to go with the damage, well, shucks, the words speak for themselves. Now with two artists, female and male, at distanced areas of the music industy spectrum, I must admit how perfect would a sex tape —> XXX-intended-for-release film be with these two? Surely I would easily say substitute Brown for Mashonda, but eh, for the sake of this post, Cassie and Brown could swing their careers around for the better.
Would it have to be raunchy? No. How about exploring areas of the body never seen before? No. Money shot(s)? No. NONE of those features would be needed in order to pull this off. Not trying to disturb anyone’s imagination right now but it could be as simple as traditonal missionary, half-clothed sex. I guess they could take tips from Kim Kardashian and Ray J (Laurence Fishburne’s daughter has) after seeing how their sex tape went through the roof. Although this all sounds absurd and I am making this overly simplified, I pose the question to yourself: what would be the worst harm? Trust me, this is not a Screech from Saved by the Bell attempt, rather, this is an opportunity for two artists to capitalize off the down times in the economy “and” record industry and find other avenues/areas to cash-in.
Forget what the industry said a couple years ago about a “Porn Bailout.” These two in ANY XXX-related production is going to do Avatar-like numbers (in respect to porn sales, of course). Even at the worst-case-scenario aspect, where they feel they could pull it off “BUT” only if they made it look like a stolen tape. Shucks, it could still be pulled off. Much like Kim Kardashian signed a million-dollar deal for her tape with Ray J, the same could be done. I will let everyone’s imagination run wild from here on out, just an idea to help uplift or inspire artists to think outside the box.