Each week Cyrus Kyle Langhorne weighs in on hot button topics with his sharp commentary. This week’s subject: Fantasia.
Before I go into this full launch, please understand, I have NO FULL details on this whole Fantasia meets a sex tape and presses record story. Even though I am going to go forward with this post as though I was secretly in the closet getting my Quagmire (Family Guy, dun duns) on with Chris holding the sound muffler-looking thing next to me, let’s be clear: I am going off a couple of E! News reports and some blogs which would even make PerezHilton(.com) look like the Internet’s new Peter Jennings (R.I.P).
Sex tape, smesh tape, what is the big “friggin” problem people? Have we not learned anything from Kim Kardashian and Ray J or at the very least what my posts suggest? Sex in 2010 is O-K, not K-O’d. Yada mean? From exposed vagina flaps to shock, jaw-dropping exclamation points from seeing the most tiny of R&B singers packing more meat (Insert: Pause, No Homo, am I missing any others?) than your dad’s most favorited porn site’s male “actor.” Umm, SEX IS GREAT! But to make it an even bigger occasion, “leaked SEX TAPES ARE GRREEEAAT!” on my Tony the Tiger tip.
Look, long story short, Fantasia was hospitalized after allegedly having a break-down when it turned out a (married) fella she was bumping and grinding with (No Young Dro, pimpin’) had plans to put out a sex tape of them. More or less, the rumor mills said she had a panic attack and went pill-crazy (think Eminem-chainsaw-The Source-2000 cover) to the point where she had to get rushed to a hospital and keep bloggers up all-night wondering whether or not to type the “R.I.P.” blog in their drafts.
Anyway, she got out, no confirmation on the speculation (or so I recall) and here we are wondering what is going on in her head. Look, there is literally nothing wrong with sex and tapes and funk it, sex with married men/women. Shucks, when you think about it, her situation almost appeared like a hit single heading into the third quarter and/or a deleted scene from R. Kelly’s Trapped in the Closet. I really hate to break it to any Fantasia fans but her buzz is not on and popping, sorry.
When you think about it, homegirl is really just keeping an occasional presence in the online sphere just off the strength of reality television. If I recall correctly, she was penciled in to the notorious VH1 network as another staple opportunity to turn out a profit by taking fans into her life. (I guess the love/sex life scenes were edited out, huh?). So even though she can sing the mess out of a record, imagining her dominating the Grammy’s on an Amy Winehouse, Lady Gaga or Beyoncé tip is quite unrealistic at this point, chea?
So GO FOR IT! As I mentioned before, has anyone taken notes on how to up your profile by putting out a GOOD (although Ray J’s man power was a bit too lengthy… pause once again) sex tape much like we all experienced from Kim Kardashian and Ray-Ray? Seriously. You all cannot tell me The Matrix‘s daughter Montana Fishburne is the “only” person who took note and decided to stack her cookies up before they crumbled, right?
Cassie’s vaj is a Google Search away. Rihanna’s two’s are two left clicks and a “paste” option away from going up as desktop wallpaper. If you really want to be technical, Beyoncé’s upskirt is scattered on a few “secret” blogs here and there, so the idea of in-explicit material from R&B singers being non-existent through the Internet is no more a joke than Bill O’Reilly listening to Ludacris’ “Move, B*tch” during his night jogs, right?
So okay, maybe a “sex tape” is a bit more different than a beautiful Kim Kardashian (who already looks like a porn star) spreading her legs open and definitely nothing close to a still shot of a somewhat blurry (but clear to errry fella on the Internet) Cassie nether region, but nonetheless, at the sake of keeping her bills paid for, why not let the sex tape go through and get the Internet heating up?
Think about it… (and who is to say this will not happen?) the sex tape drops:
Phone calls ring non-stop. From TheFader(.com) and Suite903(.com) trying to get exclusive statements to begging and pleading from network news channels trying to score a sit-down with Fantasia to explain what all this is about (while in all reality, BET News and E! News may be the biggest networks trying to do a sit-down upon the initial release of the video… sad but true) Her response? Press releases and the typical statements let the Internet build up even more, streaming of the tape goes errrywhere. Legal action takes place on behalf of Fantasia’s camp and then, of course, someone like a Barbra Walters will get inspired and try to snag her. Or wait, what about the ever-warm Oprah Winfrey? Shucks, I imagine she would offer the opportunity to address affairs, sex tapes and errything else in-between with Fantasia all within an hour segment, INCLUDING COMMERCIALS.
This of course would lead to new motivation on her next album, the anticipation of fans and “new” followers to see what is going on with this singer—> sex tape star, along with ratings from her VH1 show going through the roof. I laugh at how simplistic my suggestions may seem but in all honesty, sometimes life is like a box of chocolates except in this “industry,” most people know what they are going to get, and when I tell you in 2010, leaks of new albums, music, etc. are no longer coming from the hackers or fans or record labels but the artists themselves, it goes to show you things must change and innovation must be taken seriously. Innovation to someone like Fantasia could easily help boost up her image, right?
Regardless of what happens, no person would ever wish harm to anybody, but sometimes you have to really consider the extreme outcomes of any situation. If you ask me, R. Kelly is probably already thinking about putting out another “leaked” tape just to get his sales up. Sure, these tactics are pretty unfair to the authentic artist who still believes music is all about heart, but I say all of this to bring up one good –> great point: when has it ever “really” been just about the music?
Fantasia Island: The Sex Tape, coming soon?