Internet Hangover: The Tea Party Unchillwave


Every Monday or Wednesday (or whenever), FADER editorial director Peter Macia eases in to the work week by writing semi-extensively and somewhat incoherently about something that is making his head hurt. This week, of course, he writes about the 2010 midterm elections of the United States.

I slept from 9:30PM to 2AM last night so I could watch the midterm election results all night on television. Actually, I fell asleep at 9:30PM by accident and woke at 2AM miserable, so I watched the midterm election results because I don’t have cable. I watched for hours as Republicans won 65 seats in the House of Representatives to take over majority rule of that body and a few seats in the Senate to close the gap on the Democratic majority there. Republicans also won several gubernatorial races.

I watched nearly every Republican winner whose victory speech was shown call his/her win part of a “tsunami.” Mark Kirk, the GOP winner of President Obama’s old Senate seat in Illinois, phrased it this way: “We are 800 miles from any ocean but a tsunami just hit the heartland.” Genius. Did this “tsunami” flatten the homes of thousands of Democrats and drown the children of typical Washington politics? Let’s hope so. Can this dude be in charge of some sort of emergency response committee or maybe special ambassador to East Asia? Kirk, by the way, surfed the tsunami into the Capitol on the concave back of Roland Burris, the allegedly corrupt junior senator appointed by then Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich under dubious circumstances in 2008, after Obama left for the White House. Kirk also beat an opponent who was once the chief loan officer of a regional bank owned by his father that was seized by the FDIC due to delinquent real estate loans. So despite Kirk’s documented willingness to inflate his own military and teaching records and his 19-year work history on Capitol Hill, he is seen as part of this massive wave of honest, cleansing anti-politicians rolling toward Washington.

Kirk’s new leader in the House will presumably be the Republican representative from Ohio, current Minority Leader John Boehner, who choked back a tsunami of tears at his victory speech as he talked about “chasing the American dream” all his life. Boehner has been a member of the House since 1990, or 20 years, or a third of his dreaming life, and won his seat in the middle of George HW Bush’s first and only term after eight years of Ronald Reagan. He said he ran after seeing the American Dream fading away, which would mean that he ran against the very policies he now appears to favor. This, of course, is not true. Boehner has always been the politician he is today. But somehow he is the Bodhi of the Point Break pirate rebels coming to take America back from Baracky Utah and Nancy “Lori Petty” Pelosi. Don’t hold your breath.

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