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Five Reasons to Love/Hate Gwyneth Paltrow's Record Deal

Word on the rumor mill is that America's favorite turncoat sweetheart, Gwyneth Paltrow, is in advanced talks with Atlantic Records about a full-length pop country album.

Call it gallows humor, but we're kind of excited to see Paltrow hang herself on her publicity tour. Here's a list of five media antics we're anticipating/cringing about.

1. Two Words: Live Performances
Just think of the musical interludes to come! Remember the Oscars? Remember Glee? And she speaks spanish! Do we see a Los Rakas f. Gwyneth Paltrow in our future? Hope so!

2. Calvin Klein Dresses!
Oh wait, we're not that excited about that, but there will definitely be a lot of them...

3. Watching Paltrow Fabricate Some "Country" Roots.
We've always been slightly confused by Paltrow's roots. Depending on whom she's being interviewed by and which coast she's batting for, the L.A.-raised Paltrow often claims to be a born and bred NYC girl (i.e. Long Island). But I'm sure she's got some deep Tennessee roots somewhere, right? Blythe? C'mon, that's gotta be southern, right?

gwynethbooks
4. Watching Strict Micro-biotic/ Cookbook Author Reconcile Dietary Restriction on Tour
Paltrow, a long-standing proponent of oh-so-savory probiotic dairy- and gluten- free fare, is ALSO a cookbook author. We can't wait to see how she negotiates road tour grub. A forthcoming guest-host spot on Man vs. Food perhaps?

5. Beyoncé, Jay Z, Chris Martin, & Paltrow Super Group
Since Goop already cleverly hypothesized some potential album titles, we took it upon ourselves to announce the new Beyoncé, Jay Z, Chris Martin, G. Paltrow super group, Double Date.

Five Reasons to Love/Hate Gwyneth Paltrow's Record Deal