Start Snitching

December 07, 2005

FYI, none of us actually go to Bungalow 8 or launch parties or whatever. We can barely make it to the bodega to grab some some Gatorade and Dill Pickle chips, yaoming? But we do, for better or worse, keep an eagle eye on the comings, goings and doings of all the A, B and C-list celebs we can cram into our brain. Simply put, the Internet is not a game. Let our curse be your gift. Ladies and gentlemen, the inaugural gossip column.

Paris Hilton, assuming she has any feelings whatsoever, must have been feeling a little uncomfortable the other night when both her current and former billionaire Greek scion boyfriends were trading tequila shots in LA. Don't fret, sis. They were probably just talking about the
Times' riveting 34 part series on India's developing infrastructure. Chin up, ma! But that kind of nigh-on-Deliverance kind of sharing ain't so odd in Hollywood. Just look at how Kimberly Stewart (famous for being Rod's daughter) was engaged to Cisco Adler (famous for nothing, though he did play someone named "Papes" in a movie called A Token For Your Thoughts). Then she dumped that dude and got with Talan from Laguna Beach (famous for always getting sonned by girls on that semi-reality show). Meanwhile your boy Cisco scooped Mischa Barton (famous for her wild style at Coutnry Kitchen's all you can eat breakfast buffets). But what does Mischa see every time she gazes as Adler's chest? Kim's name! Grimey. So now everytime Mischa sees Kim at Costco she thinks, "That's the chicken who had my dude so sprung he got her name pierced into his breastplate!" Drama setters!

You can't blame the kids, though. Love can make you do odd things. Just take Nicole Kidman. The actress and professional Botox recepticle is currently hooked up with fellow Aussie (and country music hearthrob) Keith Urban. This is really good look for Nicole, who has previously dated/married such winners as the psychological Darwinist Tom Cruise and Elizabeth Hurley's baby's dad, Steve Bing. Urban recently divulged some secrets of his glory days before Nashville stardom, telling USA Today he was once, "crawling around on my hands and knees, looking for these little rocks at 5 in the morning, and I was drenched in sweat. It was the worst." Ayo, Keith, you need to get with Chef and Tony on
Cuban Linx 2. Dial 1-800-GAMBINO...

We'll end this little community sing-a-long with an item as blind as Stevie Wonder pretending to be Cyclops from X-Men...

Which, ahem, rail-thin model who recently re-invigorated herself with a stay in re-hab, was looking less then focused as she was wheeled(!) to a first class seat at JFK Airport?

To paraphrase the Brooklyn king, Maino, we didn't say we saw it...we said our man said he saw it.

Posted: December 07, 2005
Start Snitching