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We Ain’t Saying They’re Gold Diggers

January 17, 2006



The Golden Globes are like the Oscars's do-gooder lil' brother. All finishing on time and whatnot. That being said, this past weekend's latest edition had its fair share of notable moments, all of which were probably lubricated by the flow of cocktails up in the Beverly Hilton. Our professional observations after the jump...






  • Jamie Foxx gets up on stage as a presenter and, gazing at the sea of billionaires, takes the opportunity to namedrop his #1 album, saying something like, "It's sure to be an Unpredictable evening." We were hoping he'd bellow, "Catherine Deneuve! Unpredictable is in stores now! You need it in your life!" Maybe next year.



  • George Clooney making a third-grader joke about Jack Abramoff's name and talking about how he felt "alone" since he hadn't had a martini yet. Still: blind, crippled or crazy (or rotund) dude is a classy SOB. Kudos.



  • This is just a completely unsubstantiated observation, but we think Jonathan Rhys-Meyers gets it 4 cheap. Drive slow, homie.



  • Harrison Ford coming off like the dad who has had a midlife crisis and starts showing up at his kid's little league games wearing an earring, smelling like Maker's and talking about "all the new bands" he's been getting into. Drive slow, Indy.



  • Although it was pretty gangster when he handed Virginia Madsen his drink.



  • Mary Louise Parker: when Chris Rock is making fun of you it's ok to laugh at yourself. You play a widow who sells chronic. It's funny.



  • Ryan Phillippe: lower the dosage, God. Reese might drop the hammer and Chad Lowe you out.



  • Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith's amusingly salty kid, Dakota Johnson, getting some spotlight time as the girl-who-escorts-you-stage-left-after-you-win. When Griffiths brought her out, gushing over her like only a Botoxed/Prozaced space cadet of a matriarch could, you could see Dakota composing her teenage wasteland LiveJournal rant in her head. Hey, if you're dad was Sonny Crockett and your mom had the name "Antonio" tattooed on her arm you would be writing some angry poetry too.



  • Last, but certainly not least, a subtle moment: when Leonardo DiCaprio was presenting the Best Actress award, the camera cut to Natalie Portman who totally had this sour facial expression that screamed, "I cannot believe I let that dude up in my Valentino dress at the Revenge Of The Sith after-party and he never even blew up my sidekick." Or maybe we're extrapolating too much there.


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We Ain’t Saying They’re Gold Diggers