All Stars, Yaoming?

February 17, 2006

Prepare yourself for the blinding display of button-ups of various colors. Marinate on the meta-ness of ballers handicaming each other, WHILE BEING FILMED ON TV. Sit in slackjawed awe as dudes who can't nail 9-foot jumpers perform airborne miracles in the dunk contest. Yes, it's Christmas Part 2: NBA All-Star Weekend.

Now, of course Sunday night, there's the game, which promises to be the usual 146-120 display of firepower, complete with insane trick passes, dudes alley-ooping to themselves, and a complete and utter lack of defense. But Saturday night is the annual dunk contest. And while it won't quite be the same without Chris "Birdman" Anderson (there's no NBA in MDMA, doggy!), fans will still be able to marvel at the athletic feats. Some would posit that the dunk contest has fallen off, that there are no more dunks to be done. Not us, though. The entertainment value of watching dudes try to jump over four dwarves, a Hummer and Kenyon Martin will never get old. Stay positive, people.

Outside of the gaming, All-Star weekend will be its usual hotbed of social activity. We're sure there's gonna be some we-ain't-stopping-til-6-in-the-morning type gatherings, but none has piqued our interest more than the shindig to be thrown by H-Town lizard enthusiast Chamillionaire.
Koopa has lined up a...unique collection of guests, so we've gotta give him dap for really diggin in the crates. Invitees include the Indiana Pacers's Jonathan Bender (who hasn't played in like two years), Cleveland Browns reciever Dennis Northcutt, Chingo Bling, Lil Keke and Amazing Race winners Uchenna and Joyce Agu. Now that's a fuckin guest-list! Don't ask us who's going to McGrady's party BECAUSE WE DON'T CARE!

Now, do not become twisted and assume we are mocking the Chamilitary general. He's a prince among men. And best of all, dude LOVES HIS CITY. Fuck a record deal, Cham's gonna cake off that Houston Chamber of Commerce money! Last year, when the Houston Astros made it to the World Series, Chamillionaire celebrated with a song extolling the virtues of various 'Stros, filling H-Town with local pride. For the All-Star game, he's
done it again. Sample stanza: "Ray Allen behind the arc will teach you about that long range." THAT'S THAT CRACK.

Now let's say you're not much of hoops fan, and you maybe don't care for the hip-hop that much. Well, you'd be a god-damn anomaly on this green earth, but that doesn't mean there's nothing about All-Star weekend to hold your interest! Fashion/sneaker junkies will be able to get their fix by checking these comemmorative Air Force 1's. The somewhat BAPE-ish kicks are one in a long line of models Nike churns out for the festivities. So, you see...something for everyone. We love this game.

Posted: February 17, 2006
All Stars, Yaoming?