The FADER Presents… Listmania 2009!

December 23, 2009

If there's one thing that has unified FADER staffers over the many years of our existence it is a distaste for arbitrarily ranking our favorite albums, songs, videos etc at the end of the year. If we put something in our magazine or on this site, we love it and want you to. No need for numbers. But that doesn't mean we don't like lists of all the things that made this year what it was, from skanks to raves to epic weed boner jams. Enjoy our fifth annual Listmania, thanks for reading The FADER and we'll see you on January 4th, 2010 all shiny and new.

Top Three Skanks (not what you think)
3. Jump in the Middle and Skank

2. Jungle Skank

1. Migraine Skank

Top Five Musicians The XX Wear Black T-shirts of
5. Coolio
4. Jordan Knight of New Kids on the Block
3. Tina Turner
2. Ronnie Spector
1. Siouxsie Sioux

Educated Villains' Top Five Throwback Albums Enjoyed While Steering Clear of the Music Avalanche That Was 2009
1. Eazy E - Eazy Duz It
2. Michael Jackson - Off The Wall (R.I.P.)
3. Scarface - The Fix
4. Gucci Mane - Trap House
5. UGK - Ridin' Dirty

Top Two Things We Heard Raekwon Ask With Our Own Ears
2. "Does this store sell blunts?"
1. "Can I have some fruit?"

Top Seven Words in the Band Name "The Pains of Being Pure at Heart"
7. Pains
6. of
5. at
4. Heart
3. The
2. Pure
1. Being

Top Five Reassurances That Our Tough Alliance Obsession Is Not Insane
5. The Drums
4. The part in Yeasayer's "O.N.E." from their new album with the goofy synths and vocal samples (counts because we heard it first this year)
3. Kid Cudi's "Enter Galactic (Love Connection Pt. 1)"
2. Tanlines @ Glasslands in November
1. Chillwave

Harry McNally of Pegleg's top five dates of 2009

Six World Star Hip-Hop Headlines That Accurately Sum Up 2009
6. Rappers Who Believe In The Illuminati: Canibus & Professor Grif Release A Track Called Dead By Design "Illuminati Going To Murder Us Just Like They Did To 2pac" [Audio]
5. Lil Jon Hosts A $500 Chicken & Beer Contest In ATL! (Females Who Can Eat The Most Chicken & Drink The Most Beer)
4. Jamaica Aint The Only Country With Them Wild Dances: Peruvians Dancing Really Freaky On Stage To A Popular Latin Song "Perreo Chacolanero" (Guys Trying To Get Feels On Girl & One Dude Drops His Pants Down)
3. Throwback Clip Of The Week: French Montana Releases Footage Of Lil Cease Dancing Butt Nekked With Men & Femals In The Room! *NOT SAFE FOR STRAIGHT MEN*
2. Animal Clip Of The Week: Ghetto Ass Hawk Attempts To Hunt Down Bambi!
1. So True: 2 Dudes Act Out & Make A Song Bout How Females Good Looking Default Pictures Be Lying On Social Sites! (Are They Lying?)

Top 5 Music Video Scene Stealers
5. Beats By Dre Headphones on Lady Gaga's pet dogs in Wale's "Chillin" (lamest product placement of all time, finally where it belongs!)
4. Venom & Damage wolf
3. Lil B's laser
2. Beercan hair rollers in Maluca's "El Tigeraso"
1. Cam'ron's Moustache

Top 3 Chip Da Ripper Samples
3. Yeah Yeah Yeahs "Rich" ("Whoa" feat. Pootie Tang)
2. Old Dirty Bastard talking about hippies ("Thank God")
1. Sublime "Pawn Shop" ("Pawn Shop")

Most Memorable FADER TV Moments:
1. Bradford Cox Hating On Schnipper's Creative Interviewing Technique
2. Our visit to Max B's apartment in the Bronx prior to his 75-year sentence
3. When Kurt Vile stared down the camera for an Open Bar and made us all feel uncomfortable/sexy.
4. When Nikki Minaj asked Felipe on a date.
5. When we got high with Waaves on the coldest day in February.
6. When we learned literally everything there is to know about pizza with Wild Yaks and then a squirrel made off with one of our slices!
7. When we hopped a plane down to Orlando, FL within three hours notice and put our lives in the hands of a meth-addict cab driver to film At The Bar with Holiday Shores.
8. When we interviewed Farmer Dave Scher inside of a tree at Party in the Pines.
9. When we learned the true meaning of "pre-roll."

Top Five Cooler Things Gucci Mane Could've Done to Violate His Georgia Probation
5. Sell bootleg DVDs in the subway
4. Shoplift
3. Wave sparklers
2. Own a dildo
1. Download The State vs Radric Davis

Six Photographers Who Inspired Us in 2009
Irving Penn
Michael Schmidt
Bruce Davidson
David Goldblatt
Robert Frank
Erwin Blumenfeld

Best Style Collabs of 2009
Duckie Brown x Odin: Edward
Issey Miyake x Doc Martens
Quoddy x South Willard
Jil Sander x Uniqlo
Rodarte x Target
Mister Mort x New Era

Dream Music Collabs for 2010
Slim from 112, Serani and Ellie Goulding singing barbershop chipmunk electro-dancehall
Nicki Minaj album produced by Ryan Leslie
Phoenix & The-Dream (actual band name)
Zomby scoring Darren Aronofsky's Black Swan
The Knife vs Salem
Big Boi & Andre 3000

Top Two Waka Flocka Flame Mixtape Covers



Top Non-Ironic Air Guitar Jams
3. Dinosaur Jr, "Said The People"
2. Built to Spill, "Nowhere Dream"
1. Girls, "Laura"

Top Five Imaginary Raves Experienced While Julianne Escobedo Shepherd Listened To Music On Her Office Headphones
5. L-Vis 1990, "United Groove" - Impromptu rave in Generra Hypercolor shoppe
4. Toadally Krossed Out, "Toads Theme" - Two-person Madagascar rave. One person is three-toed sloth.
3. Joker, "Digidesign" - Rave of mimes.
2. Fuck Buttons, "Surf Solar" - 100,000 MDMA induces visions of rapture (and strong desire to hug)
1. Jinder, "Youth Blood (Bok Bok Rmx)" - The Magical Makeout Rave of 2010 occuring in James Franco's NYU dorm room

Most Unexpected Mental Influences of 2009
9. Children of the bush
8. Franck Ribery
7. JetBlue
6. Acái smoothies
5. Car Talk with Click & Clack
4. Twilight/Gossip Girl
3. Wii Fit
2. Hollister cologne
1. Everything except good stuff sucking so hard

Clothes That We Fantasized About But Couldn't Afford
1. Ann Demeulemeester lace-up sandal boots
2. A double-breasted Dries Van Noten suit
3. The entire Woolrich Woolen Mills Collection
4. A zillion dollar, shimmering Balmain mini-dress
5. The Duckie Brown for Florsheim brogue boots in all five colors
6. A limited-edition three-piece hunter green safari suit designed by Albert Hammond
7. Acne x Lanvin denim
8. Tsumori Chisato pajamas

Top 10 things on eBay that Nick Maggio of LA-based site A Time to Get Can't Live Without But Won't Be Bidding On (in no particular order)
10. 1960 JFK CAMPAIGN T-SHIRT - $5,000.00
7. 1957 THE CAT IN THE HAT FIRST EDITION - $20,000.00
6. 1800'S GLASS NEGATIVE OF BIG FOOT - $1,000,000.00
5. 1967 PORSCHE 911 VARA RACECAR - $79,990.00
3. 1951 MICKEY MANTLE ROOKIE CARD - $4,299.99
1. NOS 1983 REDLINE 24" BMX - $2,400.00

Least Believable Moments in Fashion
1. That Giovanna Battaglia actually ate this.
2. That 13-year-old style prodigy Tavi writes her own blogs.
3. That Lady Gaga thought showing up to meet the Queen of England dressed as a kinky Queen of Hearts was a good idea.
4. That Alexander McQueen designed shoes that look like the big toe of T-Rex
5. That Rick Ross kept his shirt on.
6. That fashion people think leggy Dutch model Lara Stone is fat at a size 4!
7. Amber Rose: some much body, so little spandex.

The Way We Wore: 18 Items That Found Their Way Into Our Sartorial Hearts in 2009
1. Double breasted blazers
2. Wedges
3. Tie-dye
4. Houndstooth
5. Vintage Coogi sweaters
6. Quoddy moccasins
7. Army parkas
8. Sailor stripes
9. Wallabees
10. Sea foam denim
11. Kenyan wedding beads
12. Uniqlo
13. kaftans
14. Fur gilets
15. Texan tuxedos
16. Clogs
17. Backpacks
18. Fez caps

Top Ten New Age Jams Vena Cava Designers Sophie Buhai and Lisa Mayock Listened to
While Designing Their Fall 09 Crystalarium Collection

1. Jean Michelle Jarre, "Oxygene Part 1"
2. Tangerine Dream, "Chronozon"
3. Om, "Pilgrimage"
4. Laurie Anderson, "Big Science"
5. Bobby Beausoleil, "Movement of The Forth"
6. Bo Hanssen, "Fog on the Borrow-downs"
7. Cocteau Twins, "Beatrix"
8. Gang Gang Dance, "Bebey"
9. Eloy, "Horizons"
10. Andreas Vollenweider, "Caverna Magica"

Top Ten Foods Consumed at the Vena Cava Headquarters That Were purchased Bulk from Staples:
1 Cheese Balls
2 Coffee
3 Generic Brand Swedish Fish
4 Industrial Sized Pretzel Rods
5 Roasted Cashew Pieces
6 Microwave Burritos
7 Fruit Flavored and Mint Flavored Gum
8 Salt Packets
9 Red Vines
10 Hersheys Fun Size Assortment Pack

Top Gastronomical Staff Getaways After or During Long Work Days
6. Thai Son
5. Bar Tabac
4. Dok Suni
3. Pongsri
2. The shelf/table thing next to the garbage cans in the office kitchen
1. Max Fish (in 2009!)

Dean Bein of True Panther's Best Songtitles from a Mixtape He Made When He Was 15 and Found at His Mom's House a Couple Weeks Ago
1. Die Human Race
2. Dankstahz
3. Unholy Ascension
4. Socialized Death Sentence
5. Balls Deep
6. Goat Skrote
7. Pull The Plug
8. Bible Thumpers Go To Hell
9. Worthless Ideal Arrangement
10. Louie, Louie

Best Rapper Twitters
6. Lil Jon
5. Nicki Minaj
4. Juelz Santana
3. French Montana
2. Fabolous
1. Noreaga
**Honorable Mention: Trick Daddy before the intern or whoever just started twitting links

Top 5 Characters from NBC's Ridiculous Thursday Comedy Line-up:
5. Dot Com
4. Grizz
3. Kelly Kapoor
2. April Ludgate
1. Tom Havemeyer

Top Annoying Things FADER Cover Artists Went Through "For Art"
Phoenix: Gave us a bottle of rosé after we stared at it for an entire day
Drake: Flew to Toronto on crutches
Mad Decent: Coordinated all being in Philly at the same time where we shot them separately
Zomby: Agreed to be photographed and interviewed
Bat for Lashes: Took Off Her Shirt
David Byrne: Recorded personal voiceover for a guided tour of his office slideshow
Little Boots: Had us up to her mum's in Blackpool
Animal Collective: Did our jobs for one issue

Six FADER Photographers Choose Their Favorite Images From 2009 That Didn't Make the Published Edit

Lauren Fleishman – Beruit #60

Jason Nocito – Theophilus London #61

Leonie Purchas  – Little Boots #59

Guy Martin – Joker #61

Gabriele Stabile – No Place Like Home #64

Jonathan Mannion – Drake #63

John Francis Peters – Interwoven #60

FADER Photographer Of The Year! (Ranked By How Often Their Work Appeared In Our Magazine In 2009)
4. Leonie Purchas: 25 pages
3. Peter van Agtmael 28 pages
2. Gabriele Stabile: 34 pages
1. Jason Nocito: 52 pages

Top Five Julie Tumbles of the Decade as Executed by Julianne Escobedo Shepherd
5. Breaking ankle during New Year's Eve Y2K on a pile of wet leaves
4. Tripping off curb after FADER 50 party
3. (3,500-way tie) Light stumbles on nothing
2. Dislocating elbow while vogueing
1. While standing on the corner of Flatbush and Atlantic waiting for the crosswalk, in totally normal weather conditions, completely sober, on flat ground, not moving, falling flat on face, having the light turn green and the first car to pass rolling down passenger side window to do Nelson Muntz laugh

Top 11 Beach-Oriented Band Names/Song Titles in No Specific Order from the Year of The Beach:
11. Suckers, "Beach Queen"
10. Mathemagic, "Beach Days"
9. Miracle Fortress, "Beach Baby"
8. Kurt Vile, "Beach On The Moon"
7. Ducktails, "Beach Point Pleasant"
6. Bon Iver, "Beach Baby"
5. Beach Fossils
4. Real Estate, "Beach Comber and Let's Rock The Beach"
3. Wavves, "Beach Demon"
2. Beach House
1. The Amazing, "Beach House"

Top 4 Snow-Oriented Band Names/Song Titles in no Specific Order from NOT the Year of Snow:
4. Miike Snow
3. Deerhunter, "Snow Dogs"
2. Real Estate, "Snow Days"
1. Malakai, "Snowflake"

Top 3 Brother Bands that either broke up or didn't break up:
3. Oasis
2. Kings of Leon
1. Jeff The Brotherhood

Top 4 Underrated Emoticon Faces In Order of Underratedness
4. Zipper mouth face
3. Question mark at the side of the head face
2. Sarcastic face that doesn't look sarcastic at all face
1. The Red angry face

Top Billion DFA Related Records of 2009
16. Pixeltan, "Yamerarena-i" 12-inch
15. Altair Nouveau, "Space Fortress 12-inch
14. Woolfy, If Ya Know What's Good For Ya
13. Holy Ghost, "I Will Come Back" 12-inch
12. Jessica 6, "Fun Girl" 7-inch
11. DJ Kaos, "Love the Night Away (Tiedye Remix)" 12-inch
10. Still Going, "Spaghetti Circus" 12-inch
9. LCD Soundsystem, "Bye Bye Bayou" 12-inch
8. Free Energy, "Free Energy" 7-inch
7. Yacht, Psychic City
6. Black Meteoric Star, "Dominatron" 12-inch
5. Holy Ghost!, The Remixes Vol 1 cassette
4. Black Meteoric Star, "Death Tunnel 12-inch
3. Walter Jones, "I'll Keep On Loving You" 12-inch
2. The Juan Maclean, "Happy House" 12-inch
1. Black Meteoric Star, "Dream Catcher" 12-inch

Top Seven Words That We Have Futilely Banned For 2010
7. Dubious
6. Epic
5. Extra
4. Jam (3rd year in a row)
3. Pause
2. Bone(r)
1. Audible sigh

Top Three Ways That Drake Thinks You are the Prettiest
3. In sweatpants
2. With your hair tied
1. Chilling with no makeup on

Moments That Drove FADER Staff Lovingly Insane in 2009
5. Chioma and Julianne giggling in the "girl corner"
4. Mobolaji drinking all the booze
3. Schnipper playing air guitar three centimeters from your face
2. Sam learning the definition of "gaslighting" and turning it into his life philosophy
1. When Pete downloaded the Mad Decent iPhone app (air hoorrrrn!)

Top Five Nicki Minaj Slang Terms via the Nictionary
5. Alfred Bitchcok
4. Balloon Boy
3. Fire Marshal
2. Tumble Dry

Top Five Lyrics That Prove That Christopher Owens of Girls is a Modern Day Byron, Too Earnest to Be a Modern Day Don Juan, Just a Simple Man with Regular Desires and No Need or Understanding of How to Quell, Mask or Spurn What he Truly Wants
5. Lay in the park, smoke in the dark/ Get high like I used to do/ Summertime soak up the sunshine with you
4. No, I'm never gonna fix up and i might me crazy/ But I've really got it goin' on
3. I've got an ice cream cone, and I'm feeling fine tonight/ And when I get you back home, oh you know I'm gonna do you right, oh yeah
2. I've got a sad song in my sweet heart/ And all I really ever need is some love and attention
1. Let's be the people that we want to be/ Let's live like we could never part

T-Pain's Top Two Songs About Kinds of Girls
2. "Mixed Girl"
1. "Regular Girl"

Top Country This Year Whose Artists Finally Didn't Put Out a Million Incredible Pop Albums, Thus for the First Time in Many Years Making Us Feel Secure about Living in a Country with No Strong Support for the Arts (Not to Mention No Public Health Care)
1. Sweden

Top Seven Wavves Song Titles We Made Up
7. "Pigskin Blaster"
6. "Dementia Beach"
5. "Oat Bran High"
4. "Bummer Weed Face
3. "My Sun, Yr Summer"
2. "Gargoyle Mouth"
1. "Ankle Goth II"

Top Things We Got Stoned To In 2009:
1. The entire Girls album, with a pizza and a bottle of wine.
2. Concert film Fillmore: The Last Days
3. "In Lust" by Eric Wareheim
4. A Mariah Carey music video retrospective
5. The cover of Merriweather Post Pavilion

Top Five Things We Did Not Get Stoned To in 2009
1. The entire Fever Ray album standing on a diving board covered in dirty rags
2. Concert film Michael Jackson's This Is It
3. "Muñecas de Sangre" by Bijoux Altamirano
4. A Metallica music video retrospective
5. The cover of the Flaming Lips' Embryonic

Top 14 Underrated 2009 Songs We Forgot About Until We Hit Shuffle While Coding Listmania (In The Order That They Came On)
14. The Gutsies, "Surfer Body"
13. Evan Voytas, "Astro"
12. Woolfy, "Oh Missy"
11. Assassin, "Gangsta From Mi A Step"
10. Izza Kizza, "Insane With My Pimp Game"
9. Phoenix f. Devendra Banhart, "Rome (Neighbors Remix)"
8. The last minute of Soulja Boy's "Get Em Got Em" where Gucci goes into weird numerology zone
7. The Horrors, "New Ice Age"
6. DJ Normal Nada, "Danca Da Barriga"
5. Lil Wayne f. Drake, "My Darlin Baby"
4. Bauchamp, "Tchumu"
3. Foreign Born, "It Grew On You"
2. Young Dro, "On Fire'
1. "My Girls" by the Animal Collective

Top 12 Animal Pictures Sent by Peter Macia to FADER Staff
12. The Hey Guys We're Almost Done With This Issue BE BRAVE Kitten

11. The I Smell Weed In The Hallway Labrador Retriever

10. The I Have A Meeting Out Of The Office Hang In There While I'm Gone Cat

9. The Does Anyone Know How I Got Home Last Night Dachsund

8. The Do We Have Any Promo Beer Otter

7. The Office Clean Up Day! Random Dog

6. The We're Going To Have To Stay Late To Ship Pages Pug

5. The We Just Broke A Traffic Record Conquering Viking Cat

4. The We're Short-Staffed Today So Do What You Can Kitten

3. The There Hasn't Been A Blog Post In Two Hours What Are You Doing Sleeping Spaniel


1. The Let's Make Something Out Of Nothing Magical Wizard Pyramid Eyes Cat

Top Songs Inspired By Listmania:
1. Phoenix, "Lisztomania"


Posted: December 23, 2009
The FADER Presents… Listmania 2009!