Listmania 2006

December 23, 2006

We don't really get down with charts and empirical rankings and most other year-end hooey, but you knew we were gonna tear up some good ol' lists. Keeping the annual tradition alive, we present two-thousand-and-six, numbered by the FADER crew - read on after the jump.

Top 13 Slept On Mostly Jams Of 2006

13. Pharrell, "Raspy Shit"

12. Kelley Polar, "The Rooms in My House Have Many Parties"

11. Matthew Friedberger, "Up the River"

10. Plastic Little, "Brooklyn (King Honey remix)"

9. The Roots featuring Peedi Peedi, "Long Time"

8. Peter Bjorn & John, "Young Folks (Beyond The Wizard's Sleeve Re-Animation)"

7. Balance featuring Casual, "Look"

6. Busta Rhymes featuring Raekwon, "Goldmine"

5. The Rapture, "The Sound"

4. Meneguar, "House Of Cats"

3. Justin Timberlake, "Summer Love"

2. Cassie, "Ditto"

1. R Kelly featuring Akon and Sean Paul, "Slow Wind"

Top Seven Wildly Underappreciated Polow Da Don Productions of 2006

7. Ciara, "Bang It Up"

6. Field Mob, "At The Park"

5. Kelis featuring Nas, "Blindfold Me"

4. Kelis, "What's That Right There"

3. Ludacris featuring Mary J Blige, "Runaway Love"

2. Juvenile featuring UTP, "First Piece"

1. Tru Life, "This Is The Life"

Top Six Last Songs of The Night For Indie Rock Prom

6. Damon McMahon, "Elizabeth Taylor"

5. Vetiver, "Maureen"

4. Swan Lake, "All Fires"

3. Cat Power, "The Moon"

2. The Hold Steady, "Citrus"

1. Love Is All, "Turn the Radio Off"

Top Two Breakup Albums Of 2006

2. Beyoncé, B'Day

1. The Game, Doctor's Advocate

Top Four Lyrics That Almost, But Couldn't, Ruin Jenny Lewis's Rabbit Fur Coat

4. It's hard to believe your prophets/ When they're asking you to change things/ But with their suspect lives we look the other way

3. It's just you and God / But what if God's not there?/ But his name is on your dollar bill/ Which just became cab fare

2. When you're kissing someone who's too much like you/ It's like kissing on a mirror

1. The song "Rabbit Fur Coat," all of it

Top 20 Lyrical Reference On Ghostface Killah's Fishscale

20. Mermaids with Halle Berry haircuts

19. Big head Bruno

18. Baseball spliffs

17. My girl cousins

16. A pound of cheeba weed brownies

15. The weight of four synagogues

14. Trevor

13. Ill robes since "Criminology"

12. The Honeymooners marathon

11. A pink door with a crystal handle

10. Terrycloth Guess shorts

9. Clit Blvd.

8. Big round onions on a T-bone steak

7. James Bond in the octagon with two razors

6. Small hoodie dude

5. V blunted

4. The Educated Clapper

3. Woodrow's bitch on the floor laughing

2. A nod with a thumbs up wink

1. Darryl Mack's teeth

Top Seven Moments In Pusha T's Thank Yous In The Liner Notes For Hell Hath No Fury

7. Loic: My man, I hate when u have power, u are an evil son of a bitch! Thanx for listening when I'm spazzing the fuck out.

6. Yaneley: Take care of the children, they need guidance, LOL!

5. Steven Victor: U have been key in our success, the best publicist ever!!!

4. Mom and Dad for being supportive and staying out of my way.

3. Chad: Thanx for all of your insight. How do u be that rich and that humble? LOL

2. Ben: We going into 07, do u remember that wild leather u used to wear strapped with guns when I met u? Hahahaha, u a crazy bitch. My nigga.

1. Robin Thicke: Your album is crazy! Talented dude!!

Now That Hell Hath No Fury Has Come Out, We The People Demand The Unreleased Albums From The Top Six Following Artists

6. Fam-Lay

5. Freeway

4. Polow Da Don as Gorgeous Jones

3. Peedi Peedi

2. Joanna Newsom Ys with those goddam overbearing Van Dyke Parks strings taken off

1. Killer Mike

Top Five Albums We Enjoyed This Year While High On Tryptophan

5. Devin The Dude, Chopped & Screwed By Michael 5000 Watts

4. Death Vessel, Stay Close

3. Bonnie "Prince" Billy, The Letting Go

2. Blak Jak, Place Your Bets

1. Animal Collective, People EP

Top Three Old Albums We Enjoyed This Year While High On Jazz Cigarettes

3. Garcia, Grisman & Rice, The Pizza Tapes

2. Jah Thomas, Shoulder Move

1. Nathan Davis, Sixth Sense In The Eleventh House

Top Five Songs We Had The Most Fun Dancing To At Weddings

5. Madonna, "Hung Up"

4. The Incredible Bongo Band, "Apache"

3. "The Horah" (traditional)

2. Earth Wind & Fire, "September"

1. AC/DC, "You Shook Me All Night Long"

Top Six Interpolations of Songs Your Older Brother Used To Kick Your Ass For Listening To

6. Crime Mob, "What Is Love?" (Haddaway, "What Is Love?")

5. Joe Budden, "Broken Wings" (Mr Mister, "Broken Wings")

4. Diddy, "Testimonial" (Tears For Fears, "Head Over Heels")

3. Z-Ro, "Continue To Roll" (Spandau Ballet, "True")

2. Z-Ro, "M16" (Billy Ocean, "Caribbean Queen")

1. Z-Ro, "Battlefield" (Pat Benatar, "Love Is A Battlefield")

Top 50 Papoose Mixtapes of 2006

1. All of 'em (tie)

Top Two Aaliyah "Inspired" LPs of 2006

2. Cassie, Cassie

1. Ciara, The Evolution

Top Three Disruptions of Fantasy Best-Friendships With Characters From The Wire

3. Idris Elba's mixtape

2. Andre Royo shopping in Prada shades

1. Wood Harris eating breakfast alone in Silver Lake

Top Three "Flava in Your Ear" Super Duper Music Video Ensemble Casts of 2006

3. DJ Khaled and Friends, "Holla At Me"

2. Jim Jones and Friends, "We Fly High (Remix)"

1. Busta Rhymes and Friends, "Touch It (Remix)"*

*Mostly due to Rah Digga guest appearance

Top Six Ghetto Pass Applicants of 2006

6. Gwen Stefani*

5. Nelly Furtado

4. Wilmer Valderamma

3. Fergie

2. Bow Wow*

1. JR Rotem
*Continuation of a multi-year process, a la Justin Timberlake

Top Seven Most Aggressive Uses of the Pantone Color Scale On An Album Cover

7. Samim

6. Mack Maine

5. Swan Lake

4. Kompakt Records

3. The USA is a Monster

2. Pier Bucci

1. Daniel Menche

Top 31 Samples Used On J Dilla's Donuts As Selected By Bill Johnson*

31. Raymond Scott, "Bendix: The Tomorrow People"

30. Frank Zappa, "Dance Contest"

29. Detroit Emeralds, "Whatcha Gonna Wear Tomorrow"

28. Trammps, "Rubber Band"

27. Kool & The Gang, "Fruitman"

26. ESG, "UFO"

25. Joeski Love, "Pee Wee's Dance"

24. The Three Degrees, "Maybe"

23. Undisputed Truth, "Walk On By"

22. The Escorts, "I Can't Stand To See You Cry"

21. Mountain, "Long Red (Live)"

20. The Beastie Boys, "The New Style"

19. Martha Reeves, "Sweet Misery"

18. Gene & Jerry, "You Just Can't Win (By Making The Same Mistake)"

17. The Moments, "To You With Love"

16. 10cc, "Johnny Don't Do It"

15. The Jackson 5, "All I Do Is Think Of You"

14. Africa, "Light My Fire"

13. Motherlode, "When I Die"

12. Jerry Butler "Just Because I Really Love You"

11. The Isley Brothers, "Don't Say Goodnight"

10. Luther Ingram, "To The Other Man"

9. Raymond Scott, "Lightworks"

8. Eddie Kendricks, "My People Hold On"

7. Tin Tin, "Family Tree"

6. Dionne Warwick, "You're Gonna Need Me"

5. LV Johnson, "I Don't Really Care"

4. Smokey Robinson & The Miracles, "A Legend In Its Own Time"

3. 10cc, "The Worst Band In The World"

2. Galt MacDermot, "Golden Apples Part 2"

1. The Sylvers, "Only One Can Win"
* "By no means a complete list, but these are the ones I've heard..."

Jona Bechtolt of YACHT & the Blow's Top Four Christmas Trees Based On His Knowledge From Selling Them Outside of His Parents' Gas Station In Astoria, Oregon

4. Douglas Fir. This tree sucks. Do whatever you can to avoid it. In nature it's fucking radical. Trust me though, it sucks as a Christmas tree... but it's the cheapest.

3. Colorado Blue Spruce. The trees that are sort of blue-ish are trees that were grown at higher altitudes. They're pretty as fuck and look sort of angelic with their blue glow. They're a little pokey and suck for ornaments, but hey.

2. Grand Fir. This one smells the best for the longest. Its branches are a little weak and flat, but they're real green on the top and have two cool little white lines on the bottom of each needle.

1. Nobel Fir. Straight up. This is the classic Christmas tree. It's layered, has big and thick branches that support big ass ornaments, and it smells good.

DJ Ayres's Top Ten Gigs Of 2006

10. Baby Loves Disco at Central Park Summerstage. Featuring the Philly kids dancing troupe.

9. "Northern Exposure" Tour, Calgary stop. The Rub & Smalltown DJs, male nudity and vomiting on stage.

8. Octoberfest in Munich, Germany. Mad lederhosen!

7. SXSW Jelly show. The Rub, Spankrock, TTC, Mark Ronson, Domino and the infamous YouTube fight.

6. Martha Stewart Chrismas party. First time I've ever seen anyone try to dance ON my turntables.

5. First Saturdays All Ages Party at Brooklyn Museum of Art. Six-year-old kids in the front row doing the Walk It Out in unison.

4. "Sunglasses is A Must" Tour, Montreal stop. A-Trak & The Rub in Alain's hometown, crunkest party ever.

3. Sabbath in the Park. Black Sabbath! Mad Beer! Nuff Weed! NYPD Giving Summonses!

2. The Rub Halloween party with Tittsworth & Scott Melker, Southpaw. Epic costumes!

1. McCarren Park Pool Party. The Rub + Spankrock + MIA + Amanda Blank + Pase Rock + Gang Gang Dance + BBC + Nuke Fam. Like a family reunion on a Sunday afternoon in front of 3000 people.

Sean Price's Top Ten Things You Shouldn't Buy Him (For Xmas Or His Birthday)

10. Bikes. It's too cold to be riding that shit outside in Brooklyn.

9. Underwear. My sister Tasha got me six pairs of boxers for Xmas. I wanted to dropkick her ass - and to make matters worse, the drawers were for her husband and he didn't want 'em, so they were passed on to me. Thanks, Tasha.

8. Basketball or baseball equipment. Once again, east coast niggaz: it's too cold to enjoy that shit.

7. Monopoly. Every year somebody in my family gives me this game. Please do me a favor, don't do me a favor. Damn!!!!

6. Dumb expensive shit for newborns. Gucci bibs? The fucking baby gonna vomit on that shit, just gimme the cash that you spent on that dumb shit.

5. Foreman grills or toasterovens. Do I look like a bitch to you?

4. Hand me downs. Dru Ha is famous for this, I have his mothers old laptop (peace to Mrs Freidman) and her printer and Dru's old sidekick. My manager is the...greatest?

3. Broadway tickets and opera tickets (I'm talking to my white friends) . Once again do I look like a bitch to you? You couldve spent that on some nice Knicks tickets.

2. Tickets to see the Harlem Globetrotters (I'm still talking to my white friends). I said Knicks tickets, I can watch the And1 shit on ESPN!

1. Timbs. I'm Boot Camp, right, so what do you do? You buy me boots. Thanks but no thanks. Nike SB's, AF1's or Dunks will do (size 12).

Wild Promo Of The Year

Wild Promo Of The Year, First Runner-Up

Wild Promo Of The Year, Second Runner-Up

Top Six Nominees For 2007 Fashion Trend Deathwatch

6. All-over print hoodies/anything

5. Jeans with things embroidered on them

4. Fat boys in skinny jeans (please stop)

3. Body branding, ie Kanye West shaving the Fendi logo into his hair, etc

2. Rappers in golf attire (Young Dro is the exception that proves the rule - still, this just isn't cute)

1. Skulls

Top Five Brands Deserving of A 2007 Comeback

5. British Knights

4. Troop (again)

3. Pierre Cardin

2. Kappa

1. Starter

Top Nine Intern Run Destinations of 2006

9. Sawdust City (the Kemado office)

8. The Betsey Johnson Pink Kaleidoscope Experience

7. Burmese consulate

6. The 12th floor of a building with only 10 floors

5. Some apartment in Brooklyn to pick up a hat

4. Chinese embassy

3. That one place where there were a bunch of hot models

2. The Impenetrable Fortress of HBO

1. Guy on the corner that sells candy and water (no stamps)

Top Five Editorial Blunders of 2006

5. Cutting off the last two lines of our feature on Mira Bilotte*

4. Believing that Nina Sky's album was coming out in the "third quarter"

3. Spelling SUPER PRODUCER Nigel Godrich's name as "Nigel Goodrich" in our cover story on Charlotte Gainsbourg

2. Believing that Lupe Fiasco's album was coming out in "the first quarter"

1. Consistently fucking up the difference between "its" and "it's"
*totally not our fault

Top Ten Lunches of 2006

10. Rice Jerk Chicken Wings plus Rice Krispie Treat in collectible tin

9. Mass in-office pilfering of Nick Barat's french fries from NY Burger

8. Chipotle Burrito Bowl: hold the beans, add peppers and onion, either carnitas or chicken, eeeeeasy on the sour cream! (order shouted from mid-way in line)

7. Gobo #13 coconut rice with smoked Beijing-style seitan in teriyaki sauce, pickled shredded papaya

6. Saigon Grill Cho Gio with soy/chili dipping sauce eaten at desk with five large napkins

5. Dorothy Hong brown bag salad with fresh romaine packaged in Ziploc, washed & trimmed the night before and brought in for lunch

4. Waldy's four cheese wood fired pizza plus scavenged in-office beer chaser

3. Cafe Sensa pretentious chopped salad and/or crabcake burger with fries if someone else is paying

2. Milanese roast chicken with yellow rice and black beans, on site or delivery (plus plantains!)

1. Saigon Grill Beef or Chicken Bun Xao: half saved for later when post-sodium assault hunger returns ne plus ultra.

Okay Publicists, You Asked For It, You Got It: The FADER Holiday Gift Guide! We Fully Recommend:

6. The Amazing Rubber Steering Wheel Grip (as seen on TV!)

5. Rabbit ears for your television that are made to look like a bent coat hanger

4. The Tori Amos box set with the weird piano thing thing on top

3. A Zune - you can listen to Hot 97 on that shit

2. Zebra Golf Mats ("A new generation in golf practice mats that can be used by golfers at every level of play")


Top Five Music-Related Celebrity Sightings on Jet Blue Flights Between Burbank And JFK

5. Touré (wearing sunglasses for an inappropriate amount of time while inside the plane)

4. Paul Banks of Interpol (with duct-taped shoe)

3. Devon Aoki

2. Nick Zinner and Brian Chase of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs

1. Fabrizio Moretti of the Strokes

Top Nine Albums We Somehow Still Haven't Heard Despite Our Best Intentions (Maybe Someday)

9. The Thermals/Subways/Grates/Presets (tie)

8. Johnny Cash, American V

7. José González, Veneer

6. Beck, The Information

5. Bob Dylan, Modern Times

4. A Hawk And A Hacksaw, The Way The Wind Blows

3. That Decemberists record whatever it's called

2. JJ Cale & Eric Clapton, Ride The River

1. Lady Sovereign, Public Warning

Top Five Things We Love That We Haven't Otherwise Mentioned Anywhere Ever At All

5. Richard Hawley, Coles Corner

4. Mystikal, Greatest Hits Chopped & Screwed (HOLY SHIT)

3. Cajun Dance Party

2. Harry Connick Jr, Blue Light, Red Light

1. Fabrizio Moretti's burgeoning and legitimate art career

Top Ten Things Jay-Z Did That Bored Us To Tears

10. Bought the right watch instead of the bright watch

9. Made friends with that chick from Shakespeare In Love

8. Made all the wrong calls for that "Hands Up Now Wave" video

7. Made an album without calling Beanie Sigel

6. Made a video without calling Vincent Gallo

5. Made a video without calling Mark Romanek

4. Responded to the Dipset

3. Still believed he was better than everybody in general, even while being self-reflective and/or self-conscious

2. Had so much money that we no longer knew what the fuck he was talking about

1. Didn't buy out the bar, but bought the night spot

Top Three Alternate Titles For TV On The Radio's Return To Cookie Mountain

3. Donut Plains

2. Stranded On Chocolate Island

1. Vanilla Ghost House

Top Three Rejected Ideas To Promote Fat Joe's Single "Make It Rain"

3. Appearance at Foxwoods Casino for a traditional raindance ceremony with members of the Pequots Tribe

2. Parody posters of the 1997 film John Grisham's The Rainmaker distributed to "urban" multiplexes with the heads of Lil Wayne and Fat Joe photoshopped on to the bodies of Matt Damon and Danny Devito

1. Terror Squad-branded rainsticks sent to key journalists, plus "make-your-own rainstick" kits for arts & crafts projects at Bronx-area public elementary schools

Things Andre 3000 Has Been Doing While Other Rappers Are Trying To Reach Scott Storch On His Land Line

10. Reading the Miles Davis autobiography again

9. Picking up his dry cleaning

8. Calling his mother

7. Eating Dip-N-Dots

6. Cleaning the (factory) rims on his Range with a toothbrush

5. Going on a 2AM date to R Thomas on Peachtree Street and ordering the Portabella Sautee

4. Calling Big Boi at the office to tell him about a weird dream he had and to wish Bamboo happy birthday

3. Taking advantage of the slashed prices at Tower to see what Bright Eyes is all about, anyway

2. Organizing his closet by color

1. Tinkering with THE FLOW OF THE FUTURE

Top Five Verses Following Andre 3000's Return To Rapping

5. Outkast, "Chronomentrophobia"

4. Outkast, "Hollywood Divorce"

3. Lloyd featuring Andre 3000 & Nas, "You (remix)"

2. Outkast, "Mighty 'O'"

1. UNK featuring Andre 3000 & Jim Jones, "Walk It Out (remix)"

Top 11 Los Angeles Area Churches Mentioned In "The Vietnamese Telephone Ministry" By The Fiery Furnaces With Google Map Links To Their Actual Locations, Listed In Order Of Mention

11. On The Right Road Ministry, 4801 S. Normandie St

10. Armenian Brotherhood Bible Church, 5656 Harold Way

9. St Sarkis Armenian Apostolic, 700 S La Verne Ave

8. Iglesia Evangelica Rey De Reyes y Señor De Señores, 2605 W 7th St

7. Alpha Y Omega, 8911 S Main St

6. Brotherhood Of The Cross And Star (now the Global Beat Multi Cultural Center), 3810 W Slauson Ave

5. Greater Bethany Tape Ministry, 8401 S Hoover St

4. Sweet Hour Of Prayer Mission, 5100 Crenshaw Blvd

3. St Innocent Orthodox Church Hall, 5657 Lindley Ave in Tarzana

2. Jesus In Delight Missionary, 1560 E 109th St

1. Vietnamese Telephone Ministry, 2618 Workman St

Posted: December 23, 2006
Listmania 2006