Here's the lowdown: Wiley and Durrty Goodz are currently "at war". As you'd expect, this doesn't compare to Mavado and Vybz Kartel's recent squabbles in terms of hype and worldwide interest, but as far as insults go, it makes the dancehall pair's disagreement sound like two grannies bickering over the last scone at Waitrose.
Doogz has called Wiley a pedophile, a crackhead and a cross-dressing homosexual: the Holy Trinity of rap insults. This was after Wiley alleged that Goodz went to prison for rape when he was 13, he is responsible for his brother being in jail... and lots of other inane stuff that I'm sure you don't care about.
Anyway, the reason I'm telling you about this is because Goodz's latest reply, "Panty, Bras, Coke and Cameras" (featuring Crazy Titch on the phone from prison), kicks some serious ass, as you Americans say. Listen above and then pause for a moment to imagine how mad you'd go if you had to sit and listen to that chorus looped for an hour.
I think I might knock together a funky house remix using just the chorus and make up a dance to go with it. A cross between the Rolex Sweep and the Hokey Cokey should do the trick. By this time next week I'll probably have a single deal with Ministry.
Elsewhere, it's been a bit of a slow news week, so you'll have to make do with a couple of links to some new-ish stuff, which I will present in bullet points.
- I've just heard Chipmunk's new single, "Chip Diddy Chip", and it's, I'm afraid to say, crap diddy crap.
- Elijah & Skilliam have put together a grime mix called 2000 and Grime. I haven't downloaded it because I only listen to Fleetwood Mac on my iTunes, but it looks OK.
- After hearing Boy Better Know's funky jam "Too Many Man" for the 800th time on 1Xtra, I've finally lost my mind and now sit at home alone shouting "We need some more girls in here."
- Roska has a new tune called "What's In Your Handbag?", which is sure to have the ladies rushing to empty the contents of their bag onto the dancefloor – so they can then put it over their head to cover their ears from the painfully monotonous vocals. Nice riff though.
This week's column started with a message from a grime MC in jail and it will end with some footage of one being sent to jail. A few years ago, Bossman from Skepta's first crew, Meridian, and two other men were sent to jail for their involvement in an attempted murder. Below is a TV documentary on the police investigation into this case. It's pretty long but it's definitely worth it.