Konami Code Sweaty Hands: Resident Evil 5

For our new blog, Konami Code Sweaty Hands, Nathan Williams aka Wavves reviews the latest video games for PS3, XBOX360 and whatever other consoles he can get his hands on. In this installment: Resident Evil 5 for PS3.

The first Resident Evil was released by Capcom 13 years ago on PS1, which officially makes me feel like an old pile of shit. It would be the first (or first widely recognized) game to combine the ideas of horror/zombie movies with physical game play. Since its release, the Resident Evil series has expanded from the dubbed “horror action” genre to mostly just an action game, but who gives a fuck. You get to shoot biker zombies, pirate zombies, third world zombies, giant insect zombies and a whole slew of other undead fools that are trying to fuck your shit up.

So basically, the backstory of this game is it’s based 10 years in the future after Raccoon City was destroyed. You play as Chris, the main character from earlier versions, but yr partner isn’t Jill as it used to be. Instead it’s some other darker skinned babe, who is actually more babely than Jill anyways. Also there is another babe connected to Uroboros/Umbrella who is trying to wipe the human race. These fools are led by the game’s continued nemesis Wesker who is basically just Neo from The Matrix if he were a villain and into the leather daddy scene. Anyways, the game play is super fun and less clunky than its predecessor (think RE4 except a little smoother) and aside from the occasional fucked camera angle blocking yr shot view, this game plays impeccably. Tons of interactive CGI (the game’s highlight), cheesy storylines/voice acting and video game boobs that make dorks want to pause the game and violently masturbate. All in all, about 12 hours of totally entertaining shit that makes it okay to shun friends, exercise, sunlight and general interaction with real people. Fuck the world, bring on number 6. This shit RULED!

POSTED August 3, 2009 10:53AM IN ART+CULTURE NEWS Comments (16) TAGS: , ,

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COMMENTS

  1. DJGUY says:

    Am i crazy or is that image real fucked up? Just saying. It’s pretty much a white dude with a gun VS a bunch of brown “zombies” that don’t even look that much like zombies except that their clothes aren’t very nice.

  2. seees says:

    it’s the first level actually none of those people are zombies they are just townspeople meant to scare you. the first zombies don’t pop out until later on after you leave that village

  3. DJGUY says:

    Yeah, like, WTF is up with that? Video games are for fucking dorks.

  4. lolzhax says:

    the people are zombies, but its like resident evil 4, its a virus

  5. jack says:

    videogames are actually a very cool part of pop culture, and i think it makes perfect sense to cover them in thefader’s blog. i spend a lot of time here, but i also spend a ton of time at kotaku.com – soon i may be able to do all my shopping here. also, people upset by the racial undertones of this image – this was a huge story for the past couple years in the videogame community. ever since the first images and trailer were released, people have been debating back and forth whether or not this game was racist, and it’s all pretty much been talked to death now. also, now that the actual game is out, you can play it and see for yourself that it’s not entirely racist (although there are a few questionable choices made in some of the level/character designs). it’s mostly just a fun game where you shoot at zombie-like creatures. also, in the final game the zombies are more racially diverse – some look caucasian, middle-eastern, etc – and you have an african partner who grew up in this villaige joining you on your mission. not saying you can’t still discuss the racial undertones of this game, but it’s an old story. also, these people, as well as the rest of the villains in the game are not zombies nor are they just townspeople inexplicably trying to kill you – they are infected with an alien parasite that turns you into a murderous monster. sci-fi technicality.

  6. T-Mas says:

    Is this supposed to be a good review? If i want to ask someone if a video game is “super fun” and whether it “ruled”, I’ll ask my friends who smoke cloud and play xbox all day. I hope these reviewers aren’t getting paid.

    Also, there’s a trend in video game blogs to be vulgar and irreverent, but that’s because no one edits blogs. Try not to be on that same tip Fader.

    I like this site a lot, i might add

  7. onitonit says:

    “smoke cloud?” who are you kidding man? how old are you anyways? and where did you pick up the phrase “smoke cloud”? Sounds like a NARK!! NARK!!. This is a trend in blogs because its just a quick review. It’s a “worth playing” or “not worth playing” in as short a paragraph as possible. You want a dissertation or something? Go to IGN or Game Spot and stop bitching about vulgarity and irreverence you dork.

  8. T-Mas says:

    hmmm i would say there’s a lot more substance in what I said

  9. Rude says:

    the game is better on 360… Its just a game, no need to get butt hurt cuz some computer generated brothas get blasted. Just put in GTA San Andreas and get even if thats what your worried about. Also, why comment on a video game review if you don’t like video games?

  10. DUSTLOOP says:

    fader. please hop off of nathans nuts.

  11. Love this page, is it updated often? Bookmarked :)

  12. sexliesandvideotape says:

    “smoke cloud” hahahaha. wow.

  13. Like your page, good reading, thanks.

  14. Michael Blair says:

    FADER, please remain on Nathan’s nuts.

  15. Jim says:

    Smoke Nathans Cloud

  16. Resident Evil 5: Gold Edition will be released on March 9th!

    Hurry and book your copy now!

    http://bit.ly/cQyjKu