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Konami Code Sweaty Hands: Resident Evil 5

For our new blog, Konami Code Sweaty Hands, Nathan Williams aka Wavves reviews the latest video games for PS3, XBOX360 and whatever other consoles he can get his hands on. In this installment: Resident Evil 5 for PS3.

The first Resident Evil was released by Capcom 13 years ago on PS1, which officially makes me feel like an old pile of shit. It would be the first (or first widely recognized) game to combine the ideas of horror/zombie movies with physical game play. Since its release, the Resident Evil series has expanded from the dubbed "horror action" genre to mostly just an action game, but who gives a fuck. You get to shoot biker zombies, pirate zombies, third world zombies, giant insect zombies and a whole slew of other undead fools that are trying to fuck your shit up.

So basically, the backstory of this game is it's based 10 years in the future after Raccoon City was destroyed. You play as Chris, the main character from earlier versions, but yr partner isn't Jill as it used to be. Instead it's some other darker skinned babe, who is actually more babely than Jill anyways. Also there is another babe connected to Uroboros/Umbrella who is trying to wipe the human race. These fools are led by the game's continued nemesis Wesker who is basically just Neo from The Matrix if he were a villain and into the leather daddy scene. Anyways, the game play is super fun and less clunky than its predecessor (think RE4 except a little smoother) and aside from the occasional fucked camera angle blocking yr shot view, this game plays impeccably. Tons of interactive CGI (the game's highlight), cheesy storylines/voice acting and video game boobs that make dorks want to pause the game and violently masturbate. All in all, about 12 hours of totally entertaining shit that makes it okay to shun friends, exercise, sunlight and general interaction with real people. Fuck the world, bring on number 6. This shit RULED!

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Konami Code Sweaty Hands: Resident Evil 5