For some reason, that we will chalk up to sleep deprivation and Theraflu Daytime, every mention of Wikileaks figurehead Julian Assange this week has conjured in our heads an image of English actor Julian Sands, most famous for his roles as Dr. Harrison Steele in 1988's Vibes and Nick Compton in 2002's Cat City. The two have a similar look and aura—half-human, half-praying mantis—that is simultaneously soothing and threatening in equally ambiguous ways. You can actually add that Dyson vacuum guy to this list, they're all basically the same person. Even weirder is that the first name Julian is basically the same as the name Adrian in our minds, so we also think of guitar wizard Adrian Belew in there, too, which makes very little sense at all. Add to that the onomatopoeic value of his last name, which sounds like sackless wind tunnel of the Dyson vacuum, and we're treading dangerously close to figuring out some illuminati shit. Then the bees come out. And you know who hates bees? Rhinos. You know who else rhinos hate? Humans, because we're their only predator. Which basically makes Julian Assange the rhinoceros of weird white-haired, half-insect people, and we dedicate this song to him.
December 07, 2010