Last week we caught a screening of Southland Tales, writer/director Richard Kelly's much-delayed follow-up to Donnie Darko. Though it's not as terrible as some have said, Southland Tales is more likely to go down, if anything, as a camp classic, not a cult classic. Sorry to disappoint, dudes.
Watching it we couldn't help think of those descriptions of the first theatrical cuts of Brazil and Blade Runner that everyone says didn't really make any sense, though our take is that there is no Brazil or Blade Runner as we now know them hiding in all the footage filmed for Southland Tales. It's pretty obvious it's a mess any way you cut it.
But gee, how about all those references! Here's a guide to just some of the more blatant pop culture detritus floating around Southland Tales:
• Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, who you might remember from WWE Smackdown.
• Sarah Michelle Gellar, who you might remember from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
• Seann William Scott, who you might remember as the tragic Stiffler in the American Pie saga.
• Mandy Moore, who you might remember from the hilarious A Walk to Remember.
• Justin Timberlake, who you might remember from Disney's Mickey Mouse Club.
• Curtis Armstrong, who you might remember as Booger from Revenge of the Nerds.
• Wallace Shawn, who you might remember as the "inconceivable" guy from The Princess Bride.
• Beth Grant, who you might remember from saying the "Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion" line in Donnie Darko.
• Bai Ling, who you might remember from numerous red carpet infractions.
• Christopher Lambert, who you might remember from Highlander.
• Zelda Rubinstein, who might remember as the weird, small woman from Poltergeist.
• Wood Harris, who you might remember as Avon Barksdale from The Wire.
• John Larroquette, who you might remember as Dan Fielding from Night Court.
• Nora Dunn, Jon Lovitz, Cheri Oteri and Amy Poehler, who you might remember from Saturday Night Live. (We also remember Cheri Oteri from our wife's yoga class.)
• Rebekah Del Rio, who you might remember from also singing in Mulholland Drive.
• Kevin Smith, who you might remember wearing a overcoat and smoking cigarettes in movies you sometimes can't believe you used to like.
• TS Eliot and Robert Frost literary references, which you might remember from 9th grade English class.
• "Three Days" by Jane's Addiction, which you might remember from when you thought drugs were all about enlightenment.
• "Wave of Mutilation (UK Surf Version" by Pixies, which you might remember from Pump Up the Volume.
• "Tender" by Blur and "Planet Telex" by Radiohead, which you might remember from "emotional" moments in mix CDs you made.
• Republicans speaking in thick southern accents, which you might remember from lazy political satire.
• A character with a gun shot wound to the eye, which you might remember from Donnie Darko.
• Life on Venice Beach being a sign of the impending apocalypse, which you might remember from life on Venice Beach being a sign of the impending apocalypse.