Starting tonight, F43 cover star Machel Montano is running through a bunch of probably definitely over the top dates in New York. The first, tonight at S.O.B's, is kind of a puzzler though. Can the venue contain Machel Montano? How will he levitate? How will all his backup dancers fit in the room? HOW WILL THE MEN ON STILTS GET THROUGH THE DOOR? We can't answer any of these questions, so we're assuming that the show might be a little more low-key, and by low-key we actually mean bajonkers instead of like, certifiably bajonkers. Following tonight's S.O.B's date, dude will hit up Cipriani's on Wall Street on Saturday, a Hot 97 in-studio party on Sunday, and most promising: The Hot 97 Labor Day Float on Monday. To get you excited for all that, here's our favorite quote from the story:

"This year I need to levitate, disappear, because we did everything else already. We brought in the rocket man, the guy with the backpack who flew for Michael Jackson. It was $25,000 a pop, but we needed him. We needed him to fly the message of love."

And he said that in 07! At this point we expect Machel to jump from Monday's float onto the back of a jet driven by an elephant. Worst comes to worst though, we'd settle for some dudes on stilts. Stay tuned to thefader.com for video.