Global Issues

December 13, 2005

This morning we were late getting to work, glued to the TV and biting our nails in anticipation of the Golden Globe nominations. Would Reese Witherspoon get the nod for Just Like Heaven? What about Bernie Mac’s tour de force in Guess Who? As it turns out, only Elle Woods's name was dropped in the hat, for her portrayal of June Carter Cash in Walk The Line. It’s a tough town, folks. Forewith: our highly scientific predictions for Oscar’s kind-of-ugly-but-actually-pretty-cute stepsister, the Golden Globe Award.

We’re saying it’s a safe bet that this year will be a one-two homebro punch: Broback Mountain will nab it for Best Motion Picture (Drama) and Philly Blunts Hoffman will grab Best Actor in a Motion Picture (Drama) for Cabrote. We’re not sure why they didn’t nominate quite possibly the best person alive, (Owen Kline from The Squid And The Whale) for Best Actor in a Motion Picture (Musical/Comedy), instead of Jeff Daniels in his role as Bill Murray-lite family scion Bernard Berkman but like, snooze barf whatever, I guess little dudes under the age of 15 just have it a little tougher than the rest of us, yahmean?

When it comes to Best Actress in a Motion Picture (Drama) we’re sort of at a loss because we didn’t see A History Of Violence because it looked depressing and we didn’t even know Transamerica was a movie? Actually we didn’t see North Country, either because did we really need to see Charleeze Theron pretend to be ugly again and yeah, this one looked kind of depressing, too. Who wants bummers with their Goobers? Not us! So I guess that leaves Mrs. Chris Wilson for Proof and Ziyi Zhang in Memoirs Of A Geisha, so yeah, our vote is for Ms Zhang because she seems generally less sulky and distressed than Gwynnie Palts and who in Hollywood really likes a sulker?

Finally, Best Motion Picture (Musical/Comedy) has to go to Walk The Line because it was a total yuckfest! What’s funnier than Dexedrine? Yeah ok but for real more than a few of us were teary-eyed during not a few scenes of that biopic and wet popcorn does not taste good.

Sure, we might be wrong about all of these predictions but we’re probably right about at least one of them—and for five bucks, one win feels pretty damn good.

Posted: December 13, 2005
Global Issues