Listmania 2007!

December 20, 2007

Once again, The FADER and its extended family present our version of the Best of the Year list type things, none of which have anything to do with anything that will help Mom and Dad buy you something cool. Sorry! Click more for the real talk.

Top Five Effects/Appliances T-Pain Will Use to Alter His Voice in 2008

5. Evenflo Whisper Connect 900Mhz 2-way nursery monitor

4. "Protected Witness on 60 Minutes" vocal distorter

3. Bass Tuba Mouthpiece

2. Paper cup and some twine

1. Nothing

Fam-Lay's Top 10 Must See YouTube Videos (no links)

10) Mike Tyson's craziest momnets

9) Afro Ninja

8) Church Fight

7) Dick in ah box (SNL)

6) Stylin on you

5) Peety Greene (how to eat a watermelon)

4) Lady gets punched hard

3) Lookin Ass Ni*4@%

2) Omazin Grace

1) Mr. Turner

Top 15 Hot Chip Remixes*

15. Kate Nash, "Mouthwash"

14. Neon Neon, "Trick for Treat"

13. Kraftwerk, "Aerodynamik"

12. Free Blood, "Quick and Painful"

11. The Aliens, "Robot Man"

10. Kraftwerk, "La Forme"

9. Queens of the Stone Age, "I'm Designer"

8. !!!, "Must Be the Moon"

7. Tilly and the Wall, "Sing Songs Along"

6. MANDY, "No Stoppin"

5. Caribou, "She's the One"

4. CSS, "Let's Make Love and Listen to Death From Above"

3. Matthew Dear, "Don and Cherri"

2. Tracy Thornn, "King's Cross"

1. Junior Boys, "In the Morning"

*Not included because we never heard them and can't find them (if you have them get at us):

The Chop "Woop Woop"

The Elysian Quartet, "Gabriel Prokofiev String Quartet No. 2"

The Rumble Strips, "Girls & Boys in Love"

Spring Tides, "No More Mornings"

Top 4 Things Daft Punk Did With Their Hands During Epic Live Shows

4. Pressed buttons or whatever

3. Clapped

2. Made the sign of the pyramid with their fingers

1. Pumped their fists

Top 2 Videos We Wish We Were In

Feist, "1234" (yes, still)

Jay-Z, "Roc Boys"

Top 4 Synonyms For Female Genitalia Used on Spank Rock and Benny Blanco are Bangers & Cash

4. Baby rat

3. Gushy paws

2. Push it

1. The Meatpacking District

Top 9 Jamming Remixes of Justice's "D.A.N.C.E." In a World of Non-Jamming Remixes of Justice's "D.A.N.C.E."

9. "D.A.N.C.E. (Benny Blanco mix)" f. Mos Def and Spank Rock

8. "W.A.L.E.D.A.N.C.E." by Wale & Nick Catchdubs

7. "D.A.N.C.E (MSTRKRFT Remix)"

6. "D.A.N.C.E. (CFCF Remix)"

5. "D.A.N.C.E. (Blaze's Nightmarish Remix)"

4. "D.A.N.C.E. (Tittsworth remix)"

3. "D.A.N.C.E. (Eli and Diplo mix)"

2. "D.A.N.C.E. (Les Rythmes Digitales Remix)"

1. "D.A.N.C.E (Alan Braxe Remix)"

Top Five Homiez (Characters)

5. Half a Homie

4. Mad Bomber

3. La Chunky

2. Jokawild (No Relation to Jokaman)

1. Nurse Nena

Top Five Guitar Hero-related Diseases

5. peripheral neuropathy

4. psoriasis eye

3. inflated sense of musicianship / self / ability to score

2. black vomit

1. tapeworm

Top Five Designers We Rode for in 2007 And Will Still Be Riding for in 2008

Carri Munden, aka Cassette playa

David David

Karen Walker

Hood by Air

Mary Ping

Top Pieces Of Advice From Sam's Dad About Working With Editor-In-Chief Alex Wagner

5. Do you feel that she is kind of mentoring you?

4. She should be your mentor.

3. I think Alex is your mentor.

2. It sounds like she gives you lots of good advice, she should be your mentor.

1. Everyone starting out in any industry should have a mentor, I think she is your mentor.

10 Not Rap Records Andrew Noz Bought (and Kept) In 2007

808 State - Newbuild (Creed, 1988)

Lou Courtney - I'm In Need Of Love (Epic, 1974)

Henry Cowell - The Piano Music Of... (Folkways, 1953)

Alvin Curran - Fiori Chiari (Ananda, 1975)

Troy Jackson & The Jacksonaires - What The World Needs Is Love (Champ, ?)

Lijadu Sisters - Danger (Afrodesia, 1972)

The Meters - Look Ka-Py-Py (Josie, 1969)

Juana Molina - Segundo 3xLP (Domino, 2003)

Nine Inch Nails - Pretty Hate Machine (TVT, 1989)

Caetano Veloso & Gal Costa - Domingo (Phillips, 1967)

Top Eight Lyrics From Panda Bear's Person Pitch That Not Only Prove But Insist That Noah Lennox is Our Great Moses, Parting the Red Sea of Horror, Mystery and Confusion to Secure Us Safe Passage to the Path of Truth, Calm and Goodness

8. It must be good to be a little scared

7. Take one day at a time

6. All I need to know/ I knew so early

5. I don't want us to take pills/ because we are stronger/ and we don't need them

4. Hey man, what's your problem?

3. I mean no offense you to/ but grow up/ can't you just grow up?

2. I know I never never will stop caring

1. Coolness is having courage/ courage to do what's right

10 Best Catch-By-Association Mixtapes of 2007

10 - Queen Majesty, Trilla

9- DJ A-Trak, Dirty South Dance (Obey)

8 - Mike 2600 King and DJ King Otto, Things Kings Do Vol 1

7- Diplo, I Like Turtles (Mad Greasy)

6- Wale & Nick Catchdubs, 100 Miles And Running

5- Nick Catchdubs & DJ Ayres, Superfriends

4- Morse Code and J Nougat,
Hard Crack Candy 2

3- Spankrock, Fabric Live 33 (Fabric)

2- Four Color Zack, Weekday Warrior

1- Bang Gang DJs, Light Sound Dance (Modular)

Bonus Beat: Lil Wayne, The Drought 3 (LULZ)

Best YouTube of Ryan Leslie Buying A Miniature Trumpet From Sam Ash

Best YouTube of DJ Ayres at the FADER Fort

77BOADRUM Drummers Ranked

77. Keith Connolly

76. Jim Sykes

75. Nick Decarmine

74. Alan Licht

73. Michael Evans

72. Dave Abramson

71. Eric Marc Cohen

70. Kayrock

69. Matthias Schulz

68. Chris Millstein

67. Spencer Herbst

66. Alianna Kalaba

65. Michael Catano

64. John McSwain

63. Daniel Franz

62. Jared Burak

61. David Aron

60. Jim Siegel

59. Travis Harrison

58. Jim Abramson

57. Andee Connors

56. Pete Vogl

55. Josh Bonati

54. Rick Prior

53. Oran Canfield

52. Nathan Corbin

51. David Grubbs

50. Ryan Sawyer

49. David Lebleu

48. Jarred Barron

47. Jim Sykes

46. Count Hejnowski

45. Jason Kourkounis

44. Justin Derosa

43. Kid Millions

42. Jim Black

41. Jonathan Lockie

40. Marianne Kozlowski

39. Nadav Havusha

38. Sadie Laska

37. Abby Portner

36. Josh Madell

35. Barbara Schauwecker

34. John Moloney

33. Brian Tamborello

32. Warren Huegel

31. Aron Wahl

30. Thaan Lu

29. Andrya Ambro

28. Aaron Moore

27. Andy McLeod

26. Jaiko Suzuki

25. Butchy Fuego

24. Jesse Lee

23. Jeff Salane

22. Chris Brokaw

21. Dreiky Caprice

20. Spencer Sweeney

19. Taylor Richardson

18. Aviram Cohen

17. Jonathan Lockie

16. Lizzy Bougatsos

15. Hisham Bharoocha

14. Miggie Littleton

13. David Nuss

12. Andee Connors

11. Clare Amory

10. Christopher Powell

9. Allison Busch

8. Sara Lund

7. Chris Moore

6. Adam Autry

5. Tim Dewitt

4. Muneomi Senju

3. Andrew WK

2. Yojiro

1. Eye

0. Yoshimi P-We

Top Six Kanye Fashion Statements in 2007

6. Jeremy Scott promo shades

5. Taking the expression "head to toe" to dizzying new heights when he showed up to Fendi party in Tokyo with the logo shaved into his hair

4. Alexis Phifer

3. scarves, keffiyeh, bandanas--neckwear was a must

2. white leather gloves, not seen since MJ

1. Ato Matsumoto space-bootesque sneakers

Top 5 Abandoned Lunch Spots of 2007

5. Toasties: delivery sandwich = cousin of death

4. Milanese: influx of vegetarian staffers + outflux of time available for general lunchtime sittingaroundetry

3. Sen Jah Men: mostly because we forgot about this place

2. Rickshaw Dumpling Bar: proximity to office = no match for post-chicken dumpling sodium hangover

1. Saigon Grill: addictive cha gio/beef bun xao = futile in the face of crazily unorthodox labor practices (also they stopped delivery service to our area)

Top 12 FADER Moments, by outgoing Editor in Chief Alex Wagner

-Very first White Magic show in early 2004 with Knox, Mariel and Will where everybody was laying down on the floor and all the girls were wearing butterfly dresses and all the dudes had long beards and it dawned on us that this was (duh) "art rock."

-Helping Ghostface pack up his leftover Chinese food at PF Chang's in Austin, TX while getting a sermon about Waste not, Want not, followed by a soliloquy on tea tree toothpicks.

-Eating pot brownies at the Dungen show when Gustav got really angry and stopped in the middle of the set and announced "OUR BASSIST IS TOO STONED TO PLAY!" and then some drunk girl climbed up on top of one of the speakers and fell off of it and the pot brownies were so strong it felt like I was entering the fifth dimension.

-Kamikaze mission to Newport, Rhode Island with Sara Newkirk and Rob Stone to see Eartha Kitt perform in the hopes of signing her to the FADER label—followed by a late night high speed drive to Mohegan Sun and an all-night gambling session.

-Suggesting that Shawty Redd should dress up as a vampire for Halloween and Jeezy telling me I was "gangster."

-Drinking 17 cocktails and then borrowing one of Chan Marshall's swimsuits to go swimming with her on South Beach at 11 at night, terrified of drowning/sharks but uiltimately surviving.

-Whenever Mobolaji tells me he likes my shoes.

-Being stranded in Reykjavik waiting for Kristen Valtysdottir to arrive, wandering around the city for three days while the sun really never set.

-Telling Lupe Fiasco he'd gotten to big for his britches outside of a Jay Z concert.

-Going to Beijing with little/no command of Chinese and telling a cab driver to fuck off and let me out of the cab (in English) and then eating (for real) the spiciest chicken I have ever had in my life with only Tsingtao to douse the flames.

-Either one of the two times that Nick Catchdubs choked on Brinley's Lemon Chicken at his desk but miraculously performed the Heimlich Maneuver on himself in the hallway, therein saving his own life.

-Every Friday at East Village Radio when we have a lot of beer, give the Trash Report, Peskowitz pops in to tell us something about Persols, Schnipper and Sam argue like the Odd Couple, Julianne dances a lot, Eric sends in Jam Palace, Pete plays the Tough Alliance, I order a pizza with pepperoni, we drink more beer and then Mark Ronson arrives with a blast of cold air and bespoke tailoring.

Top Dogs by Jay Howell

Top Five Office Routines of 2007

5. Will Welch/Screaming Pterodactyl

4. Sam Hockley-Smith/If-I-was-gay-this-is-how-I-would-say-hello Hiiiiiiiiii!

3. Matt Schnipper/Falsetto qualifiers

2. Will Welch/Mira Bilotti of White Magic, "One Note"

1. Pete Macia/very low kung fu jumpkick

T. Cole Rachel's Top 7 Classic Rock Moments of 2007

7. Secretly putting my name in for the Led Zep ticket lottery (while publicly mocking it to everyone around me)

6. Seeing My Morning Jacket in concert 3 times

5. Paying money for tribute albums to America, Bread, and The Band

4. Starting a classic rock night at a bar just so I could force people to hear “Long Train Runnin’” and “Baker Street” multiple times in the course of one night

3. Nervous excitement when opening the new Bruce Springsteen record and subsequent hurt feelings when seeing the Bruce/Arcade Fire Spin cover

2. Getting stoned and talking about how I finally really get Steely Dan. Like, I really fucking get them now

1. Going to see Stevie Nicks at Jones Beach and screaming like a woman when she finally broke out the ribbon-covered tambourine

Top Channels Our Boss Went On Television to Talk About Britney Spears On

3. VH-1

2. MTV

1. CNN

Top Two Akons (in no order)

2. Akon

1. T-Pain

Top Three DJ Khaled Union Anthem Posse Cuts

3. "Who's da Bossss? (All of Us, Collectively So We Can Play Off of Each Other's Strengths)"f. Plies, Lil Mama, Gnarls Barkley, Jadakiss and Nelly Furtado

2. "Issues (Let's Organize)" f. Rhianna, Pharrell, Memphis Bleek, Soulja Boy, Andre 3000

1."Getting Urrrr Done (At An Early Hour So There Aren't Any Problems With Overtime Pay)" f. Project Pat, Mims and Shawna

Top Three Women on The Hills

3. Lauren

2. Whitney

1. Lo

Top 4 Dumbest Things Kanye West Did on Graduation

4. ’Till I got flashed by the paparazzi/ Damn, these niggas got me/ I hate these niggas more than the Nazis

3. Spelled it "DJ Premiere" in the liner notes

2. Didn't include "Good Night" on the domestic release

1. Ended the album with "Big Brother" instead of "Homecoming"

Top 4 Smartest Things Kanye West Did On Graduation

4. The Duuuuude that starts the second verse of "Barry Bonds"

3. Sampled Steely Dan's "Kid Charlemagne" for "Champion"

2. Got Toomp involved

1. T-Pain + "PYT" sample + space Cadillac synths

Top 4 Funniest Things Kanye West Did On Graduation

4. Lowry's!

3. Pronounced "aroused" as "arowst"

2. The digression on Chauncey from Blackstreet on "Everything I Am"

1. Only used Young Jeezy's adlibs on "Can't Tell Me Nothing"

Top 15 References to Artifacts of Western Culture on MIA's Kala

15. "Rump Shaker" by Wreckx-N-Effect

14. Roc-A-Wear

13. "Where Is My Mind" by Pixies

12. "The Choice Is Yours" by Black Sheep

11. AIM

10. Meth

9. High top fades

8. "Hands Up Thumbs Down" by Blaqstarr/Duece Tre Duece

7. KLF

6. Lost

5. Barbarella/"Hungry Like the Wolf"/Duran Duran

4. "Straight to Hell" by The Clash

3. Ray-Bans

2. "Roadrunner" by The Modern Lovers

1. Alpine stereos

Top 4 Reasons We're Still Fucking With The Wu-Tang Clan (Even Though The Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nothin To Fuck With)

4. Raekwon's verse on "Rushing Elephants" from 8 Diagrams(particularly the intro ayos) maintain our excitement for Only Built For Cuban Linx Part II, scheduled for release next Nevuary

3. Able to launch inexplicable conspiracy theories, like that U-God is one the best rappers in the crew

2. They now mostly collaborate with people who have done as many drugs as them, like George Clinton and John Frusciante

1. They repeatedly reference flying on Jet Blue

Top 3 Lunches at Baja Fresh

3. 2 Baja Taco combo plate with carnitas and spicy salsa on flour tortillas

2. Side by Side salad, though no longer technically on the menu

1. Ultimo burrito with steak, no sour cream, but with guacamole instead

Top 74 People Mentioned On Ghostface Killah's "White Linen (Toney Awards)" Ranked By How Much We'd Like To Party With Them

74. DMX

73. 50 Cent

72. Lenny Kravitz

71. Tamia

70. Tru Life

69. The Roots

68. OJ Simpson

67. Janet Jackson

66. Common

65. Paris Hilton

64. Talib Kweli

63. Whitney Houston

62. Nas

61. Supernatural

60. Robin Thicke

59. Lil Wayne

58. The Game

57. Beyoncé

56. Fabolous

55. Theodore Unit

54. Keyshia Cole

53. Busta Rhymes

52. Usher

51. Dr Dre

50. Jennifer Hudson

49. Ne-Yo

48. Rich Boy

47. Ice Cube

46. Bentley Farnsworth

45. Robin Givens

44. Lindsay Lohan

43. Superhead

42. The Wu-Tang Clan

41. TI

40. Cassie

39. Pharrell

38. Missy Elliot

37. Bishop Don Juan

36. Mos Def

35. Norah Jones

34. Beanie Sigel (good lookin' on the haze)

33. Alicia Keys

32. Jazze Pha

31. Nia Long

30. D-Block

29. Jermaine Dupri

28. Robin Williams

27. Keith Murray

26. MJG

25. Shawn Rickles

24. Sunz of Man

23. Mary J Blige

22. Jay-Z

21. Dipset

20. John Woo

19. Three 6 Mafia

18. Pamela Anderson (with both of them breasts)

17. P Diddy

16. Meryl Streep

15. Britney Spears

14. UGK

13. Nelly

12. Kanye West

11. Ludacris

10. Denzel Washington

9. Bobby Brown

8. Lil Jon

7. Robin Leach

6. Terror Squad

5. Snoop Dogg

4. Billy Dee Williams

3. Redman (hitting red devil dust)

2. Outkast

1. E-40

Posted: December 20, 2007
Listmania 2007!