Everyone. Duck. Right now. We are serious. Kanye West has decided that making a supergroup with Pharrell and Fiasco and doing an entire tour in glow in the dark and wearing slat glasses that you cannot even see out of, is not next enough. He wants not only next, he wants the next after that. Kanye West is so on some next, he has procured the CERN Large Hadron Collider, and when he turns it on tonight, the entire earth will be eaten up in a gigantic black hole, with Kanye at the vortex. He will go out rapping "Can't Tell Me Nothing" and wearing a Vuitton Hazmat / particle deflector suit, which we know because we saw him at our hair removalist yesterday getting every single hair on his body waxed (necessary to put on the suit). But we can't be mad at him, even though he will essentially obliterate everything we have and will ever know, because he also exfoliated, and if there is one thing we love, it is a rapper who exfoliates. Word life, see you at the throne of Zeus, sons and daughters.
April 17, 2008