If grime were a Paula Radcliffe race, right now would be the point where she is crouched down along the road taking a piss in front of a shocked and confused nation.
This week I came across something which, for me, is the final turd in grime's now festering, fetid septic tank: "Bethnal Green" by Ruff Sqwad's Slix and Dirty Dangerous. How the guys responsible for "Anna" can now be making something which sounds like a discarded Mitchell Brothers B-side is utterly depressing.
Thank God, then, for Marcus Nasty's UK funky show on Rinse FM, which is becoming even more essential each week. Without these mixes to look forward to I'd probably end up sitting at home all day cranking and listening to Danzig. Get one of his shows from earlier this month below.
Download:Marcus Nasty on Rinse FM
The last time Wiley was on a video shoot for one of his songs he refused to appear in front of the camera. For the video for his new single, "Cash in My Pocket," his record label have very cunningly side-stepped this problem by omitting him altogether and getting a load of randoms to rap his lyrics – with hilarious and very entertaining results. It almost makes you forget how terrible the song is.
This is "Funky Anthem", the new single by Crazy Cousinz featuring MC Versatile, the guy who appeared on DJ NG's "Tell Me". I love how those preset strings from Reason (the ones that were also in that "Gabryelle" tune that Dubplate Malice remixed) are now becoming one of the defining sounds of funky.
I remember I (jokingly) described "Bongo Jam" by Crazy Cousinz as "Tell Me" multiplied by "Pow" to the power of T2, which the producers then began quoting in interviews. Well, I could not be more sincere when I say that "Funky Anthem" is the sum of "Heartless Theme" and "Champagne Dance" divided by the reciprocal of 21 Seconds, raised to the power of 138 Trek.
Finally, an early Christmas treat before I head off: an incredible dancehall and funky mix by my pal Smutlee.
01-Busy Signal - Grades
02-Busy Signal - Nah Help You
03-Kanye West - Love Lockdown
04-Mavado - Chiney K (Chiney K Riddim)
05-Elephant Man - Shake Up Yuh Booty (Chiney K Riddim)
06-Elephant Man & Ding Dong - Dip Again (Day Rave Riddim)
07-Tony Matterhorn - Never Stop (Day Rave Riddim)
08-Busy Signal - Tic Tic Toc
09-Elephant Man - Dancing Ring (Round Of Applause Riddim)
10-Busy Signal - Whine Up (Round Of Applause Riddim)
11-Mr Vegas Ft. Maestro - Round Of Applause (Round Of Applause Riddim)
12-Sole Fusion - Bass Tone
13-Busy Signal - Small Strap (Smutlee House Edit)
14-Sticky - Golly Gosh
15-Fuzzy Logik - Twiss
16-Swift Jay - Toppa
17-Roska - Pyramids / Elephant Man - Crazy Hype (Smutlee Blend)
18-Fingaprint - Untitled
19-Mujava - Township Funk
20-Elephant Man - Hot Wuk Dem Want (Sinka Riddim)
21-Vybz Kartel - Live Some Wey (Sinka Riddim)
22-Hardhouse Banton - Sirens
23-Boy Better Know - Machines
24-Chocolate Puma - Always & Forever / Busy Signal - Gyal Dem Chune (Smutlee Blend)
25-Donae'o - African Warrior (Dub)
26-Sizzla & Beenie Man - Gimmie Everyday (Equator Riddim)
27-Erup - Roll Out (Equator Riddim)
28-Doctor & Davinche - Gotta Man