OK, the moment you've been waiting for all year has finally arrived. It's time for the Prancehall's Bass Odyssey list of the best, worst and most indifferent stuff that happened in 2008. If it's not on this list, it didn't happen – or it did, but it may as well not have done. Basically, this is the only list you need to look at to find out what went down in 2008 (well, apart from FADER's imminent Listmania 2008, obviously). This is all you will need for full UK urban-centric enlightenment. Enjoy. (Btw, some points have a back story or a related video, which can be found by clicking the embedded links hidden in the numbers.)
TOP 4 PHOTOSHOPPED PICTURES / DEFACED GARMENTS I HAVE BEEN AT LEAST PARTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR
1. Logan Sama looking directly into the eyes of a hammerhead shark.
2. Jammer with Kele from Bloc Party's hair
3. The heads of Dizzee Rascal and Lethal Bizzle incorporated into the chemical structure of MDMA (also known as Dizzle)
4. A Katharine Hamnett T-shirt that my friend Alex defaced in order to send a message to the stab-friendly teens in Britain.
THE DEFINITIVE, COMPLETE AND FULLY COMPREHENSIVE LIST OF AUTO-TUNED GRIME TRACKS THAT DON'T SOUND UTTERLY RIDICULOUS
1. Double S, "From Day"
VOCAL EFFECTS / TECHNIQUES THAT GRIME MCS COULD ADOPT AND STILL SOUND LESS RIDICULOUS THAN WHEN THEY USE AUTO-TUNE
1. An electropharynx – the thing people with throat cancer have to use after they've had a laryngectomy.
2. Hold their nose while rapping.
3. Spit rhymes across a Tannoy, like the ones they use in supermarkets.
4. Type all of their lyrics into Microsoft Voice Command and get the computer to regurgitate them.
5. Drink loads of fizzy pop and then burp out a freestyle.
6. Rap with a mouthful of food – especially something steaming hot, like barbecue beans.
7. Rap while paralytically drunk so that their speech is really slurred and they are barely able to talk.
8. Rap without moving their lips, while holding their tongue.
TOP 2 LOOKALIKES I HAVE NOTICED
1. Alexis from Hot Chip and a Welsh woman who is addicted to calling the police
2. Chubby Eminem and Brian Dowling, the gay Irishman who won the second series of Big Brother in the UK.
TOP 2 CLERGYMEN'S SONS WHO HAVE BEEN SUPPORTING GRIME
1. Timmy Mallett
2. Tim Westwood
TOP 5 UNOFFICIAL VIDEO REMAKES / VIDEO TRIBUTES
1. Showbiz Pizza Band performing "Love in This Club"
2. The "Wearing My Rolex" video with Heather Mills and Paul McCartney
3. A polar bear called Gary doing the Rolex Sweep
4. L-Vis 1990's version of Benga and Coki's "Night"
5. Bristol company Hyperlaunch's version of the "Cash in My Pocket" video, starring my friend Sian.
WEIRDEST / MOST OFFENSIVE GENRES I HAVE ENCOUNTERED, ONLY ONE OF WHICH DOESN'T ACTUALLY EXIST AND WAS TOTALLY FABRICATED BY ME
2. Bhangra bassline
4. Armenian gangsta rap
TOP 10 MOST CURIOUS THINGS WILEY HAS SAID ON THE RWD MAGAZINE FORUM
10. your mum stinks of ralgex
9. I Have Never Touched Crack That Makes Me Not A Crackhead
8. Im Richard The King Of England
7. oi b4 i punch ur mum up be quiet you tramp
6. I Jus Wanna Die Now Im Goin Mad You Know What Im Goin On Holiday And When That Tunes Done Its Course I Will Come Back Dont Even Talk To Me About That Tune Ever I Will Smash Up Ur Car If You Even Say To Me Wiley I Love That Cash In My Pocket Tune
5. [On his ex-manager, who he blames for changing a verse in "Cash in My Pocket"] John Woolf I Am Gonna Get You I Promise 1 Day You Will Pay For This You Tramp I Hate You
4. both ur parents are experiencing the credit crunch i aint
3. Im Alive Im Alive No Im Not Dead
2. you dont need to send me a virus im already a virus walking round the street
1. bill you are 2 face water melon head
That's it for this year. You can find me at my blog until I return here in January.