How To Spend All Your Time At The Beach

Full-time summer on the sand requires a serious commitment.

July 27, 2017
How To Spend All Your Time At The Beach
Quit your job

“But I like my job,” you say. “My co-workers respect me and my career path is promising.” TOO BAD. For constant beach life, sacrifices must be made.

Get a new job

You might get one at an office-less company and just work from the beach, but then you’d constantly have to ask beachside cafes to reset their WiFi routers. You could become a lifeguard and just work at the beach, but then you’d regularly have to yell at rambunctious, fun-loving teens. Our suggestion: become a niche, beach-based social media influencer. Maybe your thing is that you make and post elaborate sandcastles on Snapchat?

Make rich friends

While spending all that time at the beach, focus on becoming friends with rich people. You’ll probably have to make small talk about Ketchum and Davos and inevitably be forced into hanging out with Jared Kushner. But then you get to stay at their beach houses. On the beach.

Make dolphin friends

While you’re at it, how about befriending sea creatures? Dolphins are highly intelligent, and also infamously violent. Be careful.

Reapply sunscreen

This is important! Every hour!

How To Spend All Your Time At The Beach