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SKAM Austin recap: All hail Zoya

Imagine being a teen who could pull off such a good smoky eye.

May 07, 2018

Welcome back, my beautiful Skammers. This week we made some new friends, discussed the difference between smoothies and juices, and encountered some Instagram drama. Now that we’ve moved out of the first week of clips, a real plot has begun to emerge, and I couldn’t be more excited.

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Here’s something to start off with: Marlon sucks. In the first scene from this week, he shows up at Megan’s house after ditching her on Talent Night. The two of them go hang out on a swing set and drink smoothies because that’s what you do when you’re a teenager and you don’t want to hang out within earshot of your parents. Marlon tells Megan to “find some people [she] can do shit with,” which is a rude way to suggest to your girlfriend that she might want more friends! And then they literally kiss and make up. SMH times a thousand.

Later, when Megan is scrolling through Instagram, she spotted this post from Marlon.

A post shared by Marlon (@marlonf9000) on

Which is, to be fair, a pretty funny screenshot. I would double-tap. But, what was underneath the photo? A now-deleted comment from Abby, noted ex-BFF of Megan. In all caps she wrote, “CALL ME.” Now why would Abby, who lest we forget told Megan she looked like a slut last week, be demanding that Marlon call her? Why would Marlon even allow a phone-call-level relationship with someone who is so mean to his girlfriend? The only people I let call me are my mom and this weird teeth cleaning scam that won’t take my number off their list, so something about Marlon is super sus right now.

To add insult to injury, when Megan, Marlon, Shay, and Tyler are studying in the school hallway the next day, Tyler lets a little something slip. “This isn’t fair. Everything is easier for you because you have Abby.” Escándalo! Tyler really tries to make it seem like he said “addy” as in Adderall, and then gaslights Megan into thinking she misheard.

Megan confronts Shay about Marlon and Abby, and Shay is really bad at pretending she doesn’t know anything. Something here stinks and I am convinced that it’s Marlon. The only good thing that came from this clip is that Grace followed Megan back on Instagram and sent a DM that made me say, “Same,” out loud to no one.

The next day, when Marlon and Megan are working on The Great Gatsby essays, Megan brings up Abby’s Instagram comment. Marlon has some kind of weird excuse for why it happened. He says he forgot to write down the chemistry homework so she called him, Which is bullshit and Megan knows it. And yet, Marlon once again manages to weasel his way out of this. They once again kiss and make up. I once again groaned and wished Megan would dump Marlon’s ass.

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Ok, we’re done talking about Marlon. I’m honestly upset I had to expend so much energy thinking about him in the first place. There are more important things we could discuss, like Kelsey and Jo starting their own dance team!

Having failed to make it onto the Kittens, Kelsey approaches Megan about starting their own team. It turns out Megan used to be a Kitten before some unspoken drama went down. Megan is not feeling it, and isn’t even sure it’s allowed. Jo reassures her that it is, and that it’s “super official school rules” that everyone has to be allowed to participate in something. “I think they’re making it into a law actually. It comes right after ‘No bringing guns to class’ and somewhere above ‘No halter tops.’”

Kelsey and Jo need five girls to make their dance team official. Megan and Grace are skeptical about the whole operation. Enter Zoya, a black Muslim girl who wants to join the dance team. In a particularly great moment, blonde-haired, blue-eyed Kelsey asks if Muslims are allowed to dance. Zoya drolly retorts that she can only dance “in private and for the pleasure of [her] husband” and quickly establishes herself as the coolest person to ever step foot in Bouldin High. Grace is down if Zoya is, and Megan is down if Grace is. Boom, five girls.

The girls meet up on Friday to discuss their plan of attack. Kelsey wants Megan to share what she learned from her two years as a Kitten, which Megan seems not to excited about. Zoya insists that they’re all missing the point, that the dancing is going to be secondary to their campaign to be taken seriously. These girls need to become cool. If they’re cool, the team will be cool, and then other cool people will want to join the team. Honestly, that’s the kind of solid logic that has propelled thousands of otherwise normal people to make hundreds of thousands of dollars as influencers, so you can’t really argue with it.

Zoya insists that the girls need to get in with the football team in order to become cool. More specifically, that the other girls need to hook up with them. Megan brings up that she has a boyfriend and Zoya tells her to dump him because he isn’t a football player. That isn’t the best reason Megan should dump Marlon, but it is, like, the fourth best reason.

Grace tries to argue that they shouldn’t be trading their sexuality for popularity. Zoya, who has never brought a knife to a gunfight in her whole life, says that all anyone does is trade sexuality for popularity. When Grace tries to say that the clothes she wears are for her, not guys, Zoya claps back. “I find it very convenient that the things you wear for you are the things every heterosexual man in America finds attractive.” Hot damn do I love a fast-talking teen who comes through with receipts.

Zoya caps it all off by saying that if Megan loves her boyfriend she’ll stay with him, because she has her own brain and can do whatever she wants. That’s that sweet, sweet nuance, baby.

What a good week this was! Watching last week clip-to-clip felt a little slow, because not unlike the beginning of a new school year, we were trying to meet everyone and get set up. Now that we know who’s who, it feels like we can get down to the important stuff: drama.

Extra Thoughts

- Maybe it’s because I hate him, but Marlon’s little monologue about smoothies and juices being priced differently drove me up a wall. They’re different beverages! They’re going to be priced differently! 

- It is obviously too much to ask, but I would die a million times over if we got to read the characters’ school essays. What does Marlon think the green light represents in The Great Gatsby? Does Megan think Gatsby is a heartthrob or a misanthrope? Do either of them have strong opinions about the Baz Luhrmann adaptation? 

- Kelsey telling Grace “Bless your heart” was such a good touch. As anyone who’s ventured below the Mason-Dixon line knows, that is less of an actual blessing and more of a “Well, aren’t you dumb.” It’s the little touches, ya know?

- Kelsey’s red lip as a result of DIY lip waxing gone wrong, woof. Been there. 

- What is up with that weird moment from the girls’s meeting where Zoya says “fuck” and it gets bleeped out? Marlon said “shit” in a different scene and it wasn’t bleeped. What the bleep is that about?

- Zoya calls Kelsey “Camille” at one point. I hope it’s not a weird mistake and just a joke about all white girls’ names sounding the same.


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