The astrological signs as (Sandy) Alex G songs

Are you more of a “Harvey” or a “Sarah”?

July 25, 2018
The astrological signs as (Sandy) Alex G songs (Sandy) Alex G photo by Tonje Thilesen

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Tell me, what could be more ripe for astrological analysis than the sprawling catalog of neurotic, melodic, and often devastating songs that Alex Giannascoli releases as (Sandy) Alex G?

The Pennsylvania-born songwriter regularly plays around with character and perspective, sometimes to indirectly reveal deeply personal details from his own life, and sometimes just because. This technique made my humble little quest — to speculate which (Sandy) Alex G song most genuinely represents each sign of the Zodiac — both easier and more complicated.

But I think I figured it out, with some crucial assists from my friend and colleague, Layla Halabian. Here are my best bets.

Aries

“Harvey”

The titular character of “Harvey” could be a dog, an actual toddler, or an imaginary friend. Or maybe he’s just an Aries, the baby of the Zodiac — a sign that, like Harvey in the song, could easily wake up crying, play with their food, or run away screaming “you’ll never catch me.”

Taurus

“Nintendo 64”

Tauruses are all about their earthly possessions, like the beloved mid-’90s game console that this deceptively cheery-sounding loosie is named after. Plus the earth sign’s legendary stubbornness means they don’t like being told what to do, which can lead to the kind of late-night adolescent rebellion that our narrator partakes in here. (I’m also a Taurus and I’ve thrown up in a sink or two; feel like there’s something there.)

Gemini

“Magic Mirror”

The Gemini gets a bad rap for being two-faced. “Magic Mirror” — which sounds like a possessed nursery rhyme and features Alex’s trademark pitch-shifting, allowing him to sing duets all alone — hints that its narrator has more than one side to himself, too.

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Cancer

“Change”

I’m giving what is probably one of the saddest songs ever recorded to all the Cancers, who tend to be nostalgic to a debilitating degree. “Never get between a Cancer and their Peter Pan complex,” FADER contributor Amani Bin Shikhan recently wrote, and I can’t think of a better soundtrack to resisting aging than this falsetto-sung ode to fading friendship.

Leo

“Powerful Man”

As I’m sure you’re well aware, it’s Leo season right now — a fact that they will all remind you of ad nauseam. The young protagonist of “Powerful Man” speaks boldly, fantasizes about being fearless, and has unconditional love for those closest to him. In other words, typical Leo shit.

Virgo

“Rules”

Picky and critical, Virgos will nag you to an inch of your life. The narrator of “Rules” seems to be grappling with a lot of uptight Virgo-like energy from pretty much everyone in his life: “This is wrong / This is right / Why don’t you understand?”

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Libra

“Sarah”

Like a lot of Libras, Sarah, the titular character of what is possibly my all-time favorite (Sandy) Alex G song, is a stressed-out people-pleaser, one who values the peace and quiet that long runs afford. Libras are ruled by Venus, so they’re also super romantic — just like Sarah, who loves our narrator despite his tendency to play fucked-up mind games.

Scorpio

“Gnaw”

Scorpios are intense, secretive, and emotional. “Gnaw” is all of those things, too. The narrator’s denial-fueled attempt to “comfort” the distressed subject of the song — “I am not your mother / I am not your lover / there is nothing wrong” — feels very Scorpio-ish.

Sagittarius

“Bug”

A Sagittarius is brash and will say exactly what they think, just like the narrator of “Bug,” who calls out a toxic friend for being a pain in the ass: “A fuck brain, just trying to get himself paid.” I imagine the target of the song has some Sagittarius qualities, too — like being extroverted to a fault and/or controlled by their ego.

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Capricorn

“Proud”

Many Capricorns are practical and career-focused. “If I sink / I don’t wanna be the one to leave my baby out without no bottle to drink,” Alex sings on “Proud,” which seems to be about the narrator’s fear of fucking up — be it via financial failure, or death — and how that would affect the security of his loved ones. Feels like a Capricorn problem.

Aquarius

“Poison Root”

Alex is an Aquarius himself, so this one was tricky and felt important to get right. But considering the air sign tends to produce eccentric know-it-alls, I figured the freaky folk ballad “Poison Root,” on which he sings the lyric “Now I know everything” something like nine times, was a pretty perfect fit.

Pisces

“Be Kind”

Mary, the subject of the never-released acoustic ballad “Be Kind,” might be a Pisces. They’re a deeply emotional bunch, and tend to lose themselves in delusion. “After all you locked yourself in a dream,” Alex sings in the now-legendary live video, the only “official” recording of the song, seemingly filmed in a school stairwell.

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The astrological signs as (Sandy) Alex G songs