We didn’t have enough pull to send our interns on a sweater shopping spree with Drake while he was in town for Fashion Week, so we promised them the next-best New York experience: CMJ, with badges! While we’re holding it down at the FADER FORT by FIAT, Patrick Lyons, Sam Katz, Kiran Samuel and Parker Bruce will be hitting the streets, wiggling through publicists, bands, college DJs and regular Brooklyn drunks and reporting on the entire festival as it happens. Last night, Kiran and Parker ran around Williamsburg. They coveted cute clothes and talked in abbrevs, apparently young people’s preferred form of communication. Kiran thought Wise Blood was whatev then she saw them and was like, Oh, obvi they are awesome and sound like Limp Bizkit. What? Follow their nights out with Dive, Quilt, Zambri, Mr. Dream, Cerebral Ballzy, Light Asylum and more below.
KIRAN SAMUEL: I'm really wearing a backpack to these shows like a tool? Laptop, change of clothes, everything. At Cameo gallery, everyone is kinda cute and I haven't even touched alcohol yet. Is that just Brooklyn?
PARKER BRUCE: Yep. everyone here is beautiful and young. It hurts the soul. Dive's lead singer is being eaten by his oversized shirt! I want one, please. I like his bouncing stance too. This band is exactly the type of first band I wanted to hear. Perf.
KIRAN: This bass sounds incredible. KINDA WANNA DANCE. Everybody looks like they're in a band. Are they? Is that just Brooklyn again?? BOTH?!
PARKER: Yes, yes, yes. Do people think we're in a band?! A synth-pop duo, I hope. Let's just get on stage.
KIRAN: Zambri's lead is kinda GORG.
PARKER: Love her. This is right up my street: Niki and the Dove meets Zola synth wackness. Love the girl singing into three microphones.
KIRAN: Can't decide whether to stay here for Wise Blood or head over to Afro-punk. Help!!!
PARKER: Stay for Wise Blood.
KIRAN: You were right about Wise Blood. Frontman Chris is currently stomping around the stage, like you said he would. He said, "If you're not in the press, leave. This is CMJ. You only go to shows if you're the press or you love me." LOL. The place is getting fuller. The people wanna see the stomping Wise Blood! Don't blame them. The melodies and his rap-singing sound like two avenues merging. Don't mind it. At all. This is Limp Bizkit with better beats. He's like a singing, slimmer Action Bronson.
PARKER: Bold statements. Crazy thing on ceiling of Glasslands. Looks so soft, like popcorn. Some of the guys in one band are just standing around, talking. One of them is wearing a Drake-worthy sweater. They’re playing “It's Real" by Real Estate on the speakers. Shoutout to FADER #76.
KIRAN: Someone behind me is talking about FADER! Kinda feel like interrupting them and declaring my role.
PARKER: OK finally there are bands onstage. This one’s called Hollerado. They're from Canada. In my bedroom there are books of architecture is the first lyric. Oh boy. Another song, "Fake Drugs" has a Weezer-like chorus. Group of bros in front are into it.
KIRAN: Just ran to Afro-punk. Drinking a cider, jamming out to Ninjasonik. Somali-looking girl with enviable fro is rocking out on the guitar. The show so far is reading as early 2000s. Faux mosh pit started. Nice effort? Only two songs in, it could pick up. Johnny Sierra, who's going on tour with Spank Rock soon, joined Ninjasonik onstage. Crowd is officially hyped!! This got fun. They're doing something over the Too Short, "Blow The Whistle" instrumental. I'm already twerkin. Now they're performing "SOMEBODY GON GET PREGNANT." On this beat? You're probably right. Someone even threw their birth control on stage. There it is: I smell weed. It's officially a party.
PARKER: Sorry, phone died. Nice bartender at Public Assembly charged it for me! I bought a Porkslap and watched Quilt. They are from Boston, like me! I'm in love with them. I want to wrap them in that popcorn ceiling thing from Glasslands. Sometimes the girl sang, sometimes guy, often both. Love when they do that. They played this longer song with all these different parts plus classic rock vocal influences that was just right on the money. Guitarist made awesome tropical bird noise during one song. Tambourine came out at one point. Lots of people will like Quilt. They have cassettes for sale and homemade T-shirts. This wasn't cut and dry garage rock, for once.
KIRAN: Cerebral Ballzy frontman keeps spitting out liquor at everyone. Guess who's happy she's not in the front? Lead dude looks like a screaming Wiz Khalifa. Punk boys around me nodding their heads vehemently. Trying to find the beat and nod, too. Diameter of the mosh pit growing, fearing for my life and corny backpack. In more exciting news, dude who just posted up next to me has an obscenely amazing studded jacket. From the stage: "THIS SONG IS ABOUT NOT HAVING ENOUGH MONEY TO RIDE THE NEW YORK SUBWAY" *crowd roars* "IT'S CALLED 'INSUFFICIENT FARE'" *crowd goes crazy* *I get punched in the back*
PARKER: Steal it! I'm back at Glasslands (my home) watching Mr. Dream. Lead singer has amazing pectoral muscles. First song had moments that sounded like "Cannonball" by the Breeders. They're like t-shirt punk. I'm a Mr. Dream fangirl right now. Excuse me.
KIRAN: Afro-punk's clearing out. Heading across the street to Cameo again.
PARKER: Got a bagel and an apple juice. Watched a rat down on the tracks while I waited for the L. Didn't hate rats in that moment, so I went back to Public Assembly to see Light Asylum. Shannon reminds me of Grace Jones. I'm sure that’s been said before. She's like electro synth Ursula from The Little Mermaid, and in this version, you want Ursula to win because she's awesome. In one song, I felt the beats in my throat.
KIRAN: Sorry my phone died. Felt naked, so I decided to go home to Jerz. It's 3AM but I got cart food and I'm finally in bed.
PARKER: Glad you got home okay. Oh, and I didn't mean the Ursula thing in a mean way. Okay I'm going to sleep. Gnite!