Nelly's comeback clip has been kicking around for a month or two, but we just saw it laaaaaaaate last night on cable and it gave us nightmares. Since this video first aired, Nelly has released a fake hyphy song and Fergie has leaked (wocka wocka!) the theme to that despicable Sex And The City movie, yet neither of those scale the same heights of bummeritude as Polow Da Don DJing in the first fifteen seconds. It's not the pretend scratching (everybody does it), or even the product placement for Dr Dre's headphone line (can't knock team spirit), it's the simple fact that "Party People" forces us to imagine being in a club where Da Don is hypothetically DJing. And. That. Sucks. Have you ever SEEN a famous music person commandeer the decks in real life? Shit's about as fun as tooth surgery. Jermaine Dupri (or Lil Jon or Pete Wentz or Nick Cannon-Carey), somewhere in Las Vegas where they have waterfalls in the bathroom, cueing up "Sweet Child O Mine" on an iPod, times infinity. It's an incontrovertibly true fact of truth! But Polow! You make songs we actually want to hear when we go out! You're better than this! Yet our hero is doomed to one day break our hearts (he wears rhinestoned tattoo shirts, it's more or less predestined), and we have the Band-Aid faced St Lunatic to thank for such a sad 5am realization. Where was sweet, sweet Tylenol PM when we needed her most?!?
May 06, 2008