How Not To Destroy Your Phone
Tools and tips for safe cell storage, from ziplocks to hammers.
Abandon personal style
One summer, my go-to pair of shorts were seersucker. They were bizarre and ugly, and I loved them. But their pocket design was trash. The wells weren’t deep enough, the mouths of the holes were far too wide. I lost my phone three times that summer; it was painful and pathetic. Don’t do that.
Like, for example, the Bonobos Linen Utility Short: they offer one thin front buttoned pocket, perfect for safe cell storage. If it feels like you’re wearing fancy cargo shorts, that’s because you are.
Go higher tech
Jeans from the beloved Japanese brand Muji come with an additional phone-specific pocket above the traditional right-back pocket that is “placed purposefully off-center so you don’t have to worry about ever sitting on [your phone].” You’ll have to chop them into cut-offs yourself.
Give up on shorts altogether
Keep your valued phone closer to your heart with a pair of overalls, or, even more heat-friendly, shorteralls. The chest pocket will become your best friend.
Get a fanny pack! The Dutch brand Patta makes dope ones, as does the resurgent FILA. Sling it over the shoulder or the neck. What is dead can never die.
Protect your phone from the elements with a Ziploc bag
It might not be the coolest accessory, but if you’re contending with rain or mud, a waterproof layer could save your cell.
Or a balloon
Place your smartphone against an inflated balloon, then slowly deflate it so it clings like a case.
Plan for the lost and found
Take a screenshot of your name and contact details and set it as your phone background. If you lose your phone, it could make its way back to you.
There’s only one way to truly ensure you never lose your phone — never have a phone in the first place. How about smashing your cell into a bunch of pieces with a hammer? It’s the summer! You’re supposed to live free!!!