Orville Peck, the masked country singer whose debut Pony remains one of the year's most surprising and outright best albums, would like to star in his own version of The Bachelor. "You're not gonna see much, other than a lot of fringe," he tells The FADER in the latest Would You Rather video, and he's right — but that would only add to the intrigue. And imagine the weekly challenges: Orville Peck takes his suitors to the ranch to round up cattle; Orville Peck finds out which of his prospective matches can design the most colorful suit; Orville Peck listens to Roy Orbison in silence for two hours while everyone else watches, just to see who's into it. The possibilities are endless. And then he can hand out bolo ties, not roses, to the men who impress him the most. It's a perfect idea, and we will hear no criticism of it whatsoever.
There were a few hard choices to be made in this round: Would he rather have Whitney and Mariah in his head, or Cher and Celine Dion? Would he rather tour America's motels or its theme parks? And would he rather wear 3D glasses at all times, or speak with a new accent every day? You can find out the answers to all of these questions by watching the video above. Although we may as well be honest: Peck wouldn't do his Sporty Spice impression for us, and we're all poorer for it.