Usain Bolt Adopts Baby Cheetah

Now that the New York City Marathon has ended we can all go back to doing what we do normally: obsess over Usain Bolt. The Lightning has been taking a break from JA to hang out in Kenya for a few days, where he has “already impressed local children with his football skills, and become an honorary Maasai warrior,” according to the BBC, further proving he is our second most admired jedi knight/sensai/dream date slightly after Barack Obama. But Bolt’s moved up like 18 notches on our list after his recent adoption of A. Baby. Cheetah… as part of a conservation effort focusing on sustaining the environment in Africa via the Long Run, a new campaign he is launching. Appropriately, he christened the cheetah “Lightning Bolt,” and we immediately began singing the Vybz Kartel verse “BOLT / LIGHTNING BOLT,” weirding out our coworkers for the 49th time today. Watch a dubiously edited YouTube of Bolt “beating” a less adorable cheetah in a race after the jump.

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Video: Vybz Kartel Is Still Angwi

Vybz Kartel telling Bounty Killer what he can and cannot do with his own tongue can only mean one of two things, ultimately. Kartel is extremely concerned with his former mentor and current enemy’s oral hygiene, or, ITS GOING DOWN AT STING THIS YEAR. Last year’s clash between Kartel and Mavado extinguished the Gully God’s angst altogether, steering him to new heights of positivity, Mavado only using his tropical howl to serenade if not inspire the youth. Kartel, however, who some have begun to label a bully, remains hungry like the wolf, and as of late has been showing his teeth to Killer directly. What most ignore in their condemnation of Kartel though is that to bully successfully, you do have to be stronger than everyone else. In brighter Kartel news, a DJ named I.V. slapped a Vybz Kartel verse pon 50’s new single and it sounds better than it ever could have without Kartel telling his lady, “shift yuh panties partially.” Have baby by Vybz baby, be a gaza girl.



Download: 50 Cent f. Vybz Kartel & Neyo, “Baby By Me” (DJ I.V. refix)

Ghetto Palms 75: Flare Riddim / Giants / Ze Bula remix / Baobab

A certain operatic feel connects these two new jump up riddims from ZJ Sparks and Ding Dong’s Ravers Clavers crew, respectively. To be specific, Giants is scored to the opening shots of a suspense thriller, the pulsing cello-and-synth foreshadowing the drama that’s about pop off. Flare on the other hand sounds like the climactic point when the violinists in the orchestra pit look they’re trying to saw the necks off their instruments. Maybe someday, when people from this soundsystem generation are old and rich, the New York Philharmonic will be actually be playing these parts while Ding Dong and Chi Ching yell on the mic and make them pull up every five seconds.

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Gabriel Heatwave’s UK Funky Bashment Mixtape MP3

It was only a matter of time before the hottest dance music in London, with its African influences and syncopated jangling, began drifting into reggae territory. On Gabriel Heatwave’s mix for XLR8R, he shows exactly how made for each other UK funky house and bashment are with a vast selection of Jamaica’s hottest deejays (i.e. our girl Natalie Storm, above) and Britain’s most solid emerging funky scions. Not to go heavy on the “heatwave” references but this mix is extra hot fire, let’s face it, you always wanted to hear “Ramping Shop” interpolated with DJ Shredda’s garage-esque synth stabs. Tracklist after the jump.

Download: Gabriel Heatwave’s UK Funky Bashment Mixtape (via The Heatwave)

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Vybz Kartel, “Yeah Though I Walk” MP3

Vybz is looking deep into his interior life to describe his day-to-day on this compelling track, reciting the 23rd Psalm and sounding as mournful as he ever has. “Yeah Though I Walk” comes from his 22-track album Pon di Gaza, which he wrote last summer during a particularly down time in his life. And now that it’s out, Hot97 playing “Ramping Shop” on heavy rotation nine months after the fact finally begins to make sense!



Download: Vybz Kartel, “Yeah Though I Walk” (via Triniposse)

Vybz Kartel, “Go-Go Club” MP3

Vybz Kartel is to dancehall what Gucci Mane is to rap. Though both are confoundingly elusive when it comes to press, the pair release songs at a mind boggling pace, dependably narrow in both topic and tone, but at the same time strikingly original. If they met they’d definitely be able to communicate without speaking out loud. “Go-Go Club,” however, is “I’m In Love With A Stripper” on steroids, or whatever the fuck Usain Bolt ate his whole life to make him run faster than most people can ride bikes. So enticing, so disgusting, and so Vybz.



Download: Vybz Kartel, “Go-Go Club”

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Ghetto Palms 68: New One Drop—Collie Buddz / Jahdan / Vybz / Jr. Gong

A Jr. Gong thing again. His new 45 “Holiday” just struck me because compared with the Nas collabo I ran a few weeks ago, it really shows how versatile he’s gotten since Halfway Tree. The hook, even though it’s powerful, sets you up you for the standard (insert first name) Marley tribute to Bob band-style vocal. But then the riddim cuts out and you just hear Saddam throat cut off/ The dollars ting go soft in a straight Supercat, Warning! Warning, ducking bottles at Sting circa 1991 flow. I could spend some time breaking that down several ways—for one, as a measure of ‘Cat’s still-crazy influence. It could be enough that the two top selling reggae artists in the world—Damian and Sean Paul—both owe the largest part of their swagger to you. But when Bob Marley’s heir is looking at you as the blueprint to update his father’s vision for the 21st century, that’s big.

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Vybz Kartel, “Lightning Bolt” MP3

Jamaican Usain Bolt set a world record for the 100-meter dash on Sunday, speeding to the finish in an unprecedented and nigh absurd 9.58 seconds—which inspired Vybz Kartel to immediately hit the studio and memorialize the freakish sprinter. The song is only two minutes long so it feels nearly as quick as Bolt’s record, but it’s notable that Vybz sounds audibly STOKED, singing with a glorious wail and proudly repping the Jamaican flag. The Times writes, “Jamaica is the cradle of sprinting now, and all those curious to know just how fast Bolt might have gone if he had not stopped trying 20 meters before the finish in Beijing now have a much clearer answer. Assuming ratification, the time to beat is 9.58 seconds. And for now, only one man appears capable of playing this game.” Bolt also dragged his feet at the start of this one. Vybz puts it more succinctly: “The fastest man in the history of the worrllllllldddddd!”



Download: Vybz Kartel, “Lightning Bolt”

Ghetto Palms 64: New Riddims – School Bell / G35 / Street Team Pt. II

What with all the raga soca, afropop, tropicalia and whatever the Payola riddim is, it has been a minute and a half since there was a straight ahead 90 bpm woomp/woomp/clack dancehall blend in this space. The last might have been the Street Team riddim in fact. Good thing a couple more artists have jumped on it since then, about the same time two new riddims in the same mode dropped.

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Ghetto Palms 63: Nas & Damian Marley / Weapon Riddim / Ethiopia Soul

In a perfect world every Ghetto Palms should connect at least three disparate dots on the map, and today’s multi-colored thumbtacks are puncturing the dread capitals of New York, Kingston and Addis Ababa.
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