Listmania 2017!!!

71 lists that sum up the highs and lows of a weird-ass year.

Illustration Sharon Gong
December 21, 2017
Listmania 2017!!!



ADVERTISEMENT
Things that don't feel like they happened in 2017 (that we still want to talk about)

ADVERTISEMENT

1. Moonlight’s Best Picture win at the Oscars
2. Get Out’s sunken place
3. The return of Dave Chappelle
4. The last season of Skam
5. Rihanna’s Crop Over photos
6. Chelsea Manning’s clemency
7. Neo-nazis getting punched






ADVERTISEMENT
Things that don't feel like they happened in 2017 (that we don’t want to talk about)
Listmania 2017!!!

1. Fidget spinners
2. The Kendall Jenner Pepsi thing
3. All that Richard Simmons stuff
4. Arguing about pineapple on pizza
5. Jake Paul
6. The media’s obsession with millenials







ADVERTISEMENT
Top songs from 2016 that we listened to in 2017

11. Migos f. Lil Uzi Vert, “Bad and Boujee”
10. Kaytranada f. Syd, “You’re The One”
9. PARTYNEXTDOOR, “Work (demo)”
8. Frank Ocean, “Nights”
7. Jacquees, “B.E.D.”
6. Mitski, “Happy”
5. YoungBoy Never Broke Again, “They Ain’t With Me”
4. Mr. Eazi, “Leg Over”
3. Lil Peep, “Gym Class”
2. Snail Mail, “Thinning”
1. Olivia Holt, “History”

ADVERTISEMENT







ADVERTISEMENT
Events that had bigger crowds than Trump’s inauguration



1. Literally any Thursday at the Supreme store

ADVERTISEMENT






4 things we read that we liked more than “Cat Person”
Listmania 2017!!! Mert Alas & Marcus Piggott / <i>Vogue</i>

1. Taylor Swift’s poem for Vogue
2. Verrit
3. Our own unpublished short fiction
4. The Autobiography of Gucci Mane

ADVERTISEMENT







Twitter bios we considered getting tattooed
Listmania 2017!!! Bbymutha / Illustration by Sharon Gong
ADVERTISEMENT







Top Keyshia and Gucci Instagram posts that made us believe in love

1.

ADVERTISEMENT

2.

3.

4.

ADVERTISEMENT

...until these breakups convinced us love is dead

1. Cam'ron and JuJu
2. Carmelo and La La
3. Fergie and Josh Duhamel
4. Hayley Williams and that guy from New Found Glory

ADVERTISEMENT






The 11 stages of following Beyoncé’s pregnancy

A post shared by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on

ADVERTISEMENT

1. Feeling shocked as all fucking hell that Beyoncé is pregnant again, after she has given us so much
2. Feeling even more shocked that she will be having twins
3. Having intense jealousy of all of Beyoncé's pregnancy fits
4. Having intense jealousy of all of Beyoncé's offspring
5. Losing all sense of feeling in your extremities while watching her Grammys performance
6. Feeling sad that you didn't get invited to Bey's push party
7. Feeling like a weird stalker for setting up a "Beyoncé+hospital" Google alert
8. Experiencing intense emotions about the fact that the twins are destined to be Geminis
9. Realizing that Beyoncé invented poetry when you learn that their names are Sir and Rumi
10. Feeling acceptance that Beyoncé is happy and busy with her children
11. Looking forward giving her some much-deserved space (even if the space is only from your psychic energy, since she will never know you exist)







ADVERTISEMENT
Comebacks we were most thankful for

1. Jay-Z
2. Paramore
3. Kesha

ADVERTISEMENT

Comebacks we didn’t ask for

1. Jay-Z
2. Fergie
3. George W. Bush

ADVERTISEMENT







ADVERTISEMENT







Robots who need to get their life together


ADVERTISEMENT


1. This pole-dancing robot
2. This robot harassing the homeless
3. This suicidal robot
4. Sophia
5. This robot getting bullied
6. This J Balvin fanbot







ADVERTISEMENT
Songs Nazuk played at 2:59 p.m. every Summer Friday

1. Ozuna, “Tu Foto”
2. Creek Boyz, “With My Team”
3. G Perico, “Dedicate”
4. J Hus, “Did You See”
5. Bruno Mars x PARTYNEXTDOOR, “That’s What I Like (Remix)”

ADVERTISEMENT






ADVERTISEMENT
2 times rappers made us concerned for their exotic animals


1. When YoungBoy Never Broke Again got a pet tiger
2. When YoungBoy Never Broke Again got a pet monkey

ADVERTISEMENT






7 jewelry purchases that reminded us how broke we are

1. Quavo’s Ratatouille chain

ADVERTISEMENT

2. Quavo's Napoleon chain

A post shared by QuavoHuncho (@quavohuncho) on

3. Quavo's Yoda chain

A post shared by Eliantte (@elliotavianne) on

4. Lil Uzi Vert’s Marilyn Manson chain

A post shared by BEN BALLER (@benballer) on

ADVERTISEMENT

5. Lil Yachty’s Lil Yachty chain

A post shared by King boat (@lilyachty) on

6. Cardi B’s bloody moves chain, as gifted by Offset

A post shared by Eliantte (@elliotavianne) on

7. Drake's Stone Island chain

A post shared by IF & Co. (@ifandco) on


ADVERTISEMENT






ADVERTISEMENT






ADVERTISEMENT
Balls, ranked

A post shared by Lavar Ball (@lavar) on

6. Gelo
5. The uncle who kind of looks like Zaytoven
4. Lonzo
3. Melo
2. Tina
1. LaVar

ADVERTISEMENT






Things you bitches can’t spell
Listmania 2017!!!

1. Consent

ADVERTISEMENT






Stories we followed a little too closely


ADVERTISEMENT

1. #HurtBae
2. Bhad Bhabie
3. Post Malone's "Rock Star"

FADER headlines we wrote that, in retrospect, were a little extra

1. Astronaut Scott Kelly wants to link up and build with Cardi B
2. Large scarf offers refuge
3. Drake is taking a year off to work in film, collect first edition Harry Potter books
4. Is it cute to mix two soups together to make one big soup?
5. This video about cheating is a moving display of vulnerability
6. The Cash Me Outside girl is actually good at rapping
7. Name a better athlete-rapper than Lonzo Ball. I’ll wait.

ADVERTISEMENT






ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT






New smiles that made Ali declare 2017 the year of teeth
Listmania 2017!!!

6. Lil Uzi Vert
5. Danny Brown
4. Cardi B
3. Young Thug
2. Metro Boomin
1. "Everybody is just smiling all over the gram now, flexing the pearly whites!" —Ali

ADVERTISEMENT






7 absurdly long YouTube videos we watched that made us concerned for each other's wellbeing






ADVERTISEMENT
4 times we were convinced Frank Ocean wanted to ruin Olivia’s life


1. When “Chanel” premiered on Blonded Radio and they played it for a literal hour and she thought it might drive her insane
2. When Olivia had an important blogging question but Myles was crying his eyes out watching Frank at Panorama
3. When Olivia posted this, and then Frank posted this
4. When Blonded 003 got pushed to 10:15 PST, which would have been fine except for the fact that Olivia lives on EST and Blonded is two hours long so she had to stay up until 3 a.m. to post about “Biking”

ADVERTISEMENT






The 9 stages of Myles going to Fyre Festival


ADVERTISEMENT

1. Getting to the airport in Miami and being mildly annoyed that he had to put a bunch of money on his "Fyre bracelet"
2. Not really caring that his flight to the Bahamas was going to be a little late because there was a bar next to the gate
3. Being confused when the festival's PR person called and asked him very nicely not to get on the plane because the boat he was going to stay on never actually got booked
4. Feeling very purple-devil-smiling emoji about the extremely annoyed rich people he saw in the airport
5. Laughing hysterically at the 30-something bros who were ditching the airport because they decided on a whim to charter a yacht to take them instead
6. Getting concerned about the pictures he saw on Twitter — especially the cheese sandwiches
7. Deciding he would like to get to the Bahamas to report on what was going on but then feeling frustrated that there was no way in hell he was getting there
8. Feeling cozy in his nice-ass Miami hotel while reporting out a story for the next morning
9. Eventually feeling super relaxed by the pool and beach all weekend as the internet (and Ja Rule) tore itself to shreds and while his article on all the shenanigans went viral






ADVERTISEMENT
People who have “blood on their hands”
ADVERTISEMENT






Songs we looked forward to hearing in grocery stores


4. Dua Lipa, “New Rules”
3. Camila Cabello, “Havana”
2. Selena Gomez, “Bad Liar”
1. Miley Cyrus, “Malibu”

ADVERTISEMENT






ADVERTISEMENT
Nostalgic references we loved even though they’re absolutely unacceptable

1. Kehlani's "Undercover" interpolating Akon's "Don't Matter"
2. DJ Khaled f. Rihanna & Bryson Tiller's "Wild Thoughts" interpolating Santana f. The Product G&B's "Maria Maria"
3. Drake's "Teenage Fever" sampling Jennifer Lopez's "If You Had My Love"

ADVERTISEMENT






Lowlights from the FADER’s cryptoslack
Listmania 2017!!!

1. "/poll 'have beyonce and jay z invested in crypto?' 'yes' 'no' 'it's for blue'" —Olivia
2. "p sure i lost a byunch of money" —Duncan
3. "wait i lost my money again. i just keep forgetting wher ei put it" —Duncan
4. "can i be programmed to be rich" — Olivia
5. "i feel like ETH is solid as fuck, the name alone sounds promising" —Juliana
6. "everyone in this group has to start wearing suits to work" —Sam

ADVERTISEMENT






3 things that were edgier than any of Taylor Swift’s "disses"

ADVERTISEMENT

1. A round table
2. Jell-O
3. A quinoa clump






ADVERTISEMENT
Album rollouts that were equally cynical and deranged


1. Katy Perry, Witness

ADVERTISEMENT






ADVERTISEMENT
3 people whose Instagram comments were out of control


1. Juicy J, who won't leave NASA alone
2. Lauren J from 5th Harmony, who sent a lot of love to people
3. Cypress Hill, who commented on every photo... with a fist emoji

ADVERTISEMENT






People who actually seem like they had a good year

Dance with new edition? Check ✅. 📸: Bob Metelus and Erica Rodriguez

A post shared by Serena Williams (@serenawilliams) on

ADVERTISEMENT

1. Cardi B
2. Tracee Ellis Ross
3. Laura Dern
4. Charli xcx
5. Serena Williams
6. Jonatan (Not a focking baby)
7. Gucci Mane






ADVERTISEMENT
4 times Jonatan made everybody claro

1. When he puffed on a hookah after being pulled over by cops
2. When he was gently cradled by French Montana
3. When he took Cardi B to Mamasushi
4. When he opened his own damn hookah store

ADVERTISEMENT






ADVERTISEMENT






ADVERTISEMENT
Best new artists we discovered on Spotify

1. Ras Sramard
2. Gocci Mode
3. 21 Passage
4. Most Alone

13 beaches, ranked

ADVERTISEMENT

13. El Matador
12. Dan Blocker
11. Malibu Lagoon
10. Carbon
9. Las Tunas
8. Nicholas Canyon
7. Leo Carillo
6. Topanga
5. Paradise Cove
4. Zuma
3. El Pescador
2. La Piedra
1. Point Dume






ADVERTISEMENT
People Jay-Z forgot to thank in his tweetstorm


1. God
2. His family

ADVERTISEMENT






ADVERTISEMENT
Things social media editor Ali did while the FADER Twitter was down

A post shared by ALI ي (@ali.selassie) on

1. Ate schnitzel
2. Charged his Juul
3. Drank D’ussé
4. Vlogged
5. Tried to convince the world that Juelz Santana is the best rapper of all time

ADVERTISEMENT






People @thugtear could be


ADVERTISEMENT

1. Rawiya






ADVERTISEMENT
Times the FADER newsletter deserved a Pulitzer
Listmania 2017!!!

1. “We got snubbed!"






ADVERTISEMENT
4 wildest quotes from Myles interviews


4. “I feel like was on the phone with Us Weekly on a daily basis." —Spencer Pratt
3. "How am I supposed to get an acting job as Freddy Krueger?" —Freckle
2. "When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, Betsy Ross turned around and was like, 'We got candles, you dumb bitch. What are you doing?'" —Trixie Mattel
1. "I have 50 different fellatio techniques. It's just the grapefruit does stand out — because...you use a fruit." —Auntie Angel

ADVERTISEMENT






ADVERTISEMENT
Things meat is, according to Duncan


1. Murder

ADVERTISEMENT






ADVERTISEMENT











ADVERTISEMENT
Months we loved Rihanna
Listmania 2017!!!

1. January
2. February
3. March
4. April
5. May
6. June
7. July
8. August
9. September
10. October
11. November
12. December






ADVERTISEMENT






ADVERTISEMENT
Total dollars the FADER staff spent on Fenty Beauty
Listmania 2017!!! Rochelle Brockington for The FADER






ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT






Top 5 questions people asked Duncan to ask Zayn that he didn’t actually ask


ADVERTISEMENT

5. ask him how excited he is for deadpool 2
4. and how excited is he for thor ragnarok
3. DROP HIS SKINCARE ROUTINE
2. Would he ever get with an 18 yr old Pakistani girl from England with a London accent?? 😏💕
1. When's he giving us a selfie in black shalwar kameez? This bitch has waited all her life!






ADVERTISEMENT
Fan-favorite FADER covers, as measured by 2017 poster sales
Listmania 2017!!!

5. Hayley Williams
4. Lil Uzi Vert
3. Travis Scott
2. Frank Ocean
1. Tyler, The Creator






ADVERTISEMENT
The cutest photos from our office "twinning" series
Listmania 2017!!!
Listmania 2017!!!
ADVERTISEMENT
Listmania 2017!!!






ADVERTISEMENT
Problematic faves who need our prayers
Listmania 2017!!!

1. Kanye West
2. Certain members of Kanye West's household
3. Miley Cyrus
4. Barack Obama
5. Azealia Banks
6. Tay-K
7. Lindsay Lohan






ADVERTISEMENT
Top U.K. bangers that referenced cab company Addison Lee
ADVERTISEMENT






People we want to hear more from in 2018

A post shared by Hodgy (@monkmiyagi) on

ADVERTISEMENT

1. Hodgy Beats
2. Nelly Furtado
3. Salt Bae
4. Timothée Chalamet






ADVERTISEMENT
People who need to be left alone


1. Meek Mill
2. Malia Obama
3. Britney

ADVERTISEMENT






ADVERTISEMENT
People who earned a sabbatical for 2018

1. Matt Damon
2. Lena Dunham






ADVERTISEMENT
Reboots that should’ve been booted
Listmania 2017!!! Courtesy of Sony Pictures

5. TRL
4. The Ring
3. Blade Runner
2. Will & Grace
1. Jumanji






ADVERTISEMENT
Video-based Twitter accounts that truly explained 2017


1. @CursedVideos

ADVERTISEMENT






ADVERTISEMENT
12 things the FADER staff tried for self-care (while sitting sedentary at desks for hours on end)
Listmania 2017!!!

1. The Whole 30
2. Rosehip Oil
3. Seeds
4. Mugwort
5. Manuka Honey Propolis Lozenges
6. CBD oil
7. Energy Metabolism & Bone Support Women's Gummies
8. Motherwort tincture
9. Cricket waffle
10. Squalane
11. Micellized Vitamin A
12. Water






ADVERTISEMENT
Lyrics we loved that weren't actually lyrics


1. "Who's not gay, bitch? Let me find out!" —Drake, "Gyalchester"
2. "Don't give a fuck about who in front of me!" —Cardi B, "Bodak Yellow"

Best snack that showed up at The FADER office

ADVERTISEMENT

1. Expired Maltesers

Worst snack that showed up at The FADER office

1. Expired pulled pork

ADVERTISEMENT






ADVERTISEMENT
3 times end-credits ruled

1. Call Me By Your Name
2. Our DJ Firmeza doc, Pai Nosso
3. Good Time

ADVERTISEMENT






What we're pivoting to in 2018


ADVERTISEMENT

1. A cult
2. A thriving multimedia platform
3. A cryptocurrnecy

Top 2 cryptocurrency buys for 2018

1. FAD
2. ER

ADVERTISEMENT






ADVERTISEMENT


Photo credits from lead image:

ADVERTISEMENT

Ozuna: Timothy Smith for The FADER
Young Ma: Cait Oppermann for The FADER
Lil Uzi Vert: Tyler Mitchell for The FADER
J Hus: Dan Wilton for The FADER
Stormzy: Carlota Guerrero for The FADER
Charli XCX: Renata Raksha for The FADER
Hayley Williams: Jason Nocito for The FADER
Cardi B: Dia Dipasupil / Getty Images
Rihanna: Pascal Le Segretain / Getty Images
21 Savage: Noam Galai/Getty Images
Jake Paul: Frazer Harrison / Getty Images
Jay-Z: Matt Winkelmeyer / Getty Images
Chelsea Manning: Bryan Bedder / Getty Images
SZA: Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images
Jordan Peele: Jamie McCarthy / Getty Images
Meek Mill: Lisa Lake / Getty Images
Beyoncé: Robyn Beck / Getty Images
Laura Dern: Stuart C. Wilson / Getty Images
Kesha: Isaac Brekken / Getty Images
Frank Ocean: Frazer Harrison / Getty Images
Takeoff: Bennett Raglin / Getty Images
Quavo: Frazer Harrison / Getty Images
Offset: Bennett Raglin / Getty Images
Gucci Mane: Maury Phillips / Getty Images
Taylor Swift: Frederick M. Brown / Getty Images
Colin Kaepernick: Matt Winkelmeyer / Getty Images
Eminem: Dimitrios Kambouris / Getty Images

Relive 12 years of Listmania

2005
2006
2007
2008
2009
2010
2011
2012
2013
2014
2015
2016

ADVERTISEMENT
Listmania 2017!!!